Here is one that really helped me (Karo syrup and a little food coloring go a looong way):
Elder: "So, Keith, do you consider yourself one of Jehovah's Witnesses?"Me: "No, I cannot conscientiously do that until I get something off my chest"Elder: "What would you like to get it off your chest?"Me: "My skin." <takes out a knife rigged with a bulb of fake blood, and starts slicing at his chest>Elder: <vomits>
Would never happen, but would get a great rise out of the elder!FMZ