A friend gave me permission to post this. I think it's a good letter, it might help others formulate their thoughts; she understands it may not be read or considered deeply, but things can't get much worse with her family at this point anyway. No contact is not that much different than contact once per year or less, and sometimes it's just really important to have the people who should know you, at least know you a little.
If you see anywhere that she has plagiarized you, she asked that I thank you for your work, she does appreciate it very much.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
September 30, 2003
Dear Mom and Dad,
Well, this letter has been a long time coming, hasn?t it? For several years, I just didn?t see the point of detailing how I came to be where I am, because I didn?t really think you?d be able to see it from my point of view. I was afraid you would limit your contact with me even more than you already have. I guess now that some time has gone by, I realize that what matters the most is that at long last, you?ll know what?s been going on in my head since I was a kid.
I had my first ?doubts? about the JW religion when I was eight years old. (I put doubts in quotation marks, because I can?t think of another word that explains what I was feeling. I never really doubted that my religion was God?s organization on earth until about a year after I was disfellowshipped.) My problem then was that I cared and worried so much about all the ?worldly? people around me, my school mates, my grandfather, my aunt and uncle, etc. I knew that Armageddon was coming any day. Because of the whole 1975 thing, I strongly believed that it would happen before I reached fifth grade. I actually did the math when I was in kindergarten. We had to go to the doctor for a physical before kindergarten and again before fifth grade and I really, really, really didn?t want to go to the doctor again. So it would have just been very convenient for me if the system ended before then and I was fairly confident it would.
Anyway, I came up with a plan. Since all these people I cared about didn?t want to be JW?s, the only way they would survive into the new system and get to live forever would be if they died before Armageddon. So I decided that I should kill them. I fantasized constantly about how I would go about doing this. I tried to figure out how to get a gun, so I could shoot my classmates. I knew that Jehovah would not allow me to be in the Paradise if I did this and I struggled and prayed for a long time for Him to show me what to do. I didn?t want to die at Armageddon and I didn?t want them to die either. I felt so selfish that I couldn?t give up my life for them the way Jesus did for me.
I finally told D------ R--- about my plan. I had been thinking about doing this for so long that the thought of killing people didn?t even horrify my anymore. Well, it certainly horrified her. I remember she started yelling at me and telling me what a terrible person I was to have these thoughts and that if I ever told anyone else about it, I would get disfellowshipped. Her response kind of jolted me into realizing that I didn?t have it in me to harm another human being. But the feeling that I was selfish not to give up my life for someone else never completely went away.
For a long time, I managed to suppress the strong emotions I would feel about how everyone was going to die. I became very unempathetic towards anyone who wasn?t a JW. If a door would slam in my face, I?d think well, you?re gonna die someday and I?m not, ha, ha. Even if the people were polite, but refused the literature, I would think ?you had your chance. Some day you?ll see the JWs were right all along.? It hurt so much to think about these people as real humans with lives that would end abruptly at Armageddon that I just turned off any feelings for people who didn?t believe as I did. If there was a major earthquake, my first thought would be ?I hope the JWs are okay.? I literally would not care one iota for the thousands of people who may have just died. In fact, I was often GLAD that they had died, because now they could have a chance to live forever. The bigger the disaster, the happier I felt; the more people who died now, the more people who might live later.
After my daughter came along, I began opening my heart again and really feeling empathy toward everyone. Going out in public would often depress me, because of all the people I would see just in my town alone who were going to die. It simply wasn?t possible to witness to everyone and have them come into the ?truth.?
One instance in particular stands out in my head. I was at the grocery store and this woman was walking toward me, pushing a cart with a baby about a year old, which was *****?s age at the time. This beautiful little girl made eye contact with me and held it for at least 30 seconds as we walked by each other and at the same time, we both smiled. I was so happy in that moment. And then, the next moment, I broke down crying and had to leave without getting my groceries because all I could think was, she?s going to die any day now and there?s nothing I can do. What was I going to do, walk up to her mother in the grocery store, bawling my head off and beg her to become a JW so her daughter wouldn?t die? That?s ridiculous. At the very least, I could hand her a tract and hope she didn?t toss it in the trash. Be realistic. If somebody handed you a religious tract in the grocery store, would you read it or throw it away? If you throw it away and that happens to be the only contact you ever have with Jehovah?s Witnesses in your entire life, then do you really believe that God?s going to kill that person? That?s certainly what I believed at the time.
As I stated earlier, I never seriously doubted my religion. Instead I considered myself to have many unanswered questions. Through the years, the list of questions grew and it became something I simply couldn?t allow myself to dwell on. Whenever I would add a question to the list, then I would try to cease to think about that particular question. I would tell myself Jehovah will take care of it in the end. I would repeat the mantra that you always said, Mom, which was ?We don?t know what everything will be like in the Paradise. All we know is that Jehovah says we?ll be happy.? I had to look the other way a lot and just dismiss the things that didn?t make sense.
For example, here?s a question I asked Mom when I was about ten years old. Why does it say in the Ten Commandments, ?Thou shalt not kill,? and then God proceeds to murder tens of thousands of people in the subsequent books of the Bible? I think your answer was something along the lines of He was clearing a land for the Israelites to live in and He wanted everyone to know they were His people. I can?t remember exactly what you said. I only remember that the answer didn?t satisfy me. If God is all powerful, then He can certainly clear a land for His people without violating any of His own commandments. And it didn?t make sense that His goal was to let people know He was the God of the Israelites; one would think that would?ve been accomplished after maybe one or two decisive battles. But according to the Bible, He killed thousands again and again and again.
Something else that never ceased to bother me was how few JWs there were in certain lands. I especially worried about the people in Bangladesh. This is kind of funny to me now, but whenever the yearbook would come out, that?s the first place I would look. How many JWs are in Bangladesh now? I think the last time I looked, it was something like 37 JWs for 165 million people. Dozens of countries had similar ratios. (Remember the whole rejoicing at disasters thing I mentioned earlier? One year there was a terrible flash flood in Bangladesh and tens of thousands of people died. I was so relieved because I figured they probably were going to be killed by God anyway.)
The question I always asked was does God not like Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, Iraqis, Chinese or just generally anyone in a Muslim dominated country? Did you know that 70% of the earth?s population is non-Christian? If the Bible is God?s Word and the only definitive authority on how humans are supposed to live their lives, then why isn?t there one readily and easily available to every single human being on this planet?
As a child, I also wondered about this: If a really bad person, maybe a murderer or a child molester, died two minutes before the beginning of Armageddon, then that person would be resurrected. If a really good person, say Mother Teresa, a woman who spent her entire life feeding the hungry, died at Armageddon, then that was it for her. I remember one of my schoolmates actually posed this question to me once and I had no response, because it was something that didn?t make sense to me either.
Another question from my youth: Why did a woman have to marry her rapist, as written in the Mosaic Law? I found that one particularly horrifying, as being raped was one of my childhood fears. Quite a big deal was always made of screaming when attacked by a potential rapist or else you would be guilty of fornication. I used to read all the old bound volumes at Grandma?s house and I was fascinated by all the first person accounts of women who had almost been raped but then Jehovah saved them because they screamed.
I remember once after I moved to Texas, a sister I knew was raped at gunpoint while her husband was forced to watch. It was quite the gossip topic in service for a while. To a person, we all asked the same question when we heard about it: Did she scream? Not ?Is she going to be okay?? Not ?Is she getting some kind of counseling?? Not, ?Did they catch the guys, so justice can be served?? Oh no, all we wanted to know was if she had committed ?fornication.? How heartless! I?m ashamed when I think about it now.
When I spoke to you on the phone several years ago, Mom, I brought up this subject because I had just heard about a woman who was beaten and raped and the first thing the elders asked her in the hospital room was ?Did you scream?? Since she was paralyzed with fear during the attack, she couldn?t answer the question to their satisfaction. She was subsequently publicly reproved. Do you remember your response, Mom? You said, ?Well, DID she scream? Why not?? Can you understand why that type of unempathetic mindset is something I chose to put behind me forever? I?m not saying that a woman shouldn?t scream and fight to escape a potential rapist. Much research has shown this to be the best way to handle such a situation. My problem is with the possible consequences the JW religion holds over a woman?s head if she doesn?t handle the situation the way their interpretation of the Bible says you should.
Another JW doctrine that I could never wrap my mind around is that 144,000 go to heaven. I?m not saying that I believe all good people go to heaven. At this time, I have no belief whatsoever about life after death. It?s one of those things I plan to wait and find out about when it happens. But when I was a JW, I made a point to stay away from conversations on this topic because I didn?t understand what I was supposed to believe well enough to explain it to someone else. It never made sense to me that the entire book of Revelation is symbolic except for that one number. If any number is symbolic, it?s 144,000. Perfection (12) times perfection (12) times 1,000. Can?t get much more symbolic than that. Even the fact that Rev. 7:4 lists 12 tribes but they don?t match the actual 12 tribes of Israel seems to me to prove that it IS symbolic. Otherwise it would list the real 12 tribes, right? When I was a JW, I convinced myself that I didn?t have the aptitude to understand this like everyone else did and so it became another one of those things that I wouldn?t let myself think about.
Perhaps my strongest childhood fear and one that stretched into adulthood and in fact, lasted until I was no longer a JW, was the fear of demons. Some of my earliest memories are of reading about demon possession in the literature or listening to Dad tell demon stories, unfortunately usually right before we went to bed. I remember him telling one in particular that seemed to stick with me and frighten me more than usual. It was about a brother who had come home from a meeting in which they had discussed the subject of demons. He walked into his house, slammed his Bible on the table and said, ?Those demons can?t do anything to me!? In Dad?s words, ?Ten seconds later, he was laying flat on his back in the front yard with his Bible next to him.? Not really sure what the point of the story was, maybe you were trying to convince us that they were real. Well, believe me, I never doubted that they were real. Now that I?m an adult, I realize that that story was an urban legend. It scared the hell out of me as a child.
For a long time after that, instead of praying before I went to bed, I would lay in bed and chant to myself (out loud, because mom had told me that Satan can?t read my mind, so I wanted him to hear me), ?yes, they can. Yes, they can. Yes, they can. Yes, they can.? That was my way of letting Satan and the demons know that I knew they could hurt me and therefore, maybe they wouldn?t hurt me that night. Eventually I?d drift off to sleep and more often than not, have a nightmare about demons. I had recurring dreams about demonism where things would be flying around the house or cabinet doors would be opening and shutting by themselves. I would be walking around screaming, ?Jehovah! Jehovah!,? just like I was taught to do. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn?t. I haven?t had any demon dreams since 1999.
This was also something I talked to mom about in that same phone conversation several years ago. She blamed herself, saying that her and dad made mistakes and that it didn?t have anything to do with whether or not we had the true religion. I find that to be a very interesting statement. I?ve seen JWs do that again and again, defending the WBTS and blaming themselves when facing hard questions. For about six months in 1999, I was a member of an ex-JW support group. Almost everyone who had been raised as a JW had had an incredibly strong fear of demons as a child. (Other common fears we shared: persecution, being put in a concentration camp, starvation, dying at Armageddon.)
On a humorous note, everyone in this support group (and there were people from all over the world), heard the demonized Smurf stories that surfaced in the early ?80s. It?s kind of an outsider?s joke now, some of the absolutely ridiculous stuff we used to believe. I never actually believed the stories like some people did (Smurf dolls coming to life, etc.), but I remember we weren?t allowed to watch the show after that rumor spread. When I talk to my friends now about my upbringing, they get quite a laugh out of some of the things we weren?t allowed to do. Couldn?t watch ?Bewitched,? because we might get demonized. Couldn?t practice yoga because if you empty your mind, you?ll get demonized. Couldn?t eat Count Chocula cereal because he?s a vampire and vampires are demonized, etc., etc. You have to admit, demons were a BIG part of my childhood.
Despite the ?doubts? I had, I got baptized when I was 15. I remember I picked that year, and this was the exact thought process at the time, because ?I?m an elder?s daughter and that?s about the right age to do it. Oh, and I love Jehovah.? When the speaker during my baptismal talk said something about dedication, I had no idea what he was talking about. It wasn?t until I was in my mid-20s that I realized you were supposed to dedicate your life to God before you got baptized. I asked someone (can?t remember who) if they thought I should get baptized again and they said no.
Okay, so I?ve listed some of the things that bothered me while I was still a JW. This isn?t everything I had questions about. Don?t even get me started on the whole beard issue or on the noncelebration of birthdays (another stance I never fully understood). I just wanted to give you a sampling, so you can understand that there was a lot going on with me that you didn?t know anything about.
For the first year after I was df?ed, I still believed that JWs had the truth. I just didn?t feel that I had what it took to be one at that time. It was a very strange period for me, because I was incredibly happy, but also worried about my future. I was devastated the night I was df?ed, but I couldn?t sit there and tell those three men who knew absolutely nothing about me that I was sorry about what I had done. I wanted a divorce and now I could have one and enable **** to be free to remarry. I was NOT sorry about that. I figured I would just take a little break from religion and then come back when I felt like I was able to handle the burden again. And it was a burden. I didn?t realize how much of one until I left. It was like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I don?t know how to explain the what or why of it, but I still felt like my prayers were being heard. I literally felt lighter.
I tried to go to meetings off and on for T----?s sake. Whenever the day for the meeting would roll around, I?d feel that same burden on my shoulders and I would just dread the whole day. I realized that I had hated Thursdays for almost my entire life, because it meant I had to go to a meeting that night. (I rather enjoy Thursdays now.) I?d walk into a Kingdom Hall as a df?ed person and no one would make eye contact with me. If it was a new person at the door, they?d start to be nice to me until I told them I was df?ed and then they?d get all embarrassed and run away. At first it made me sad and then it made me angry. It?s not that I expected to be greeted with open arms. It was the fact that these people didn?t know me. They didn?t know anything about me when I was a JW and they sure didn?t know anything about my life now. They knew nothing of what had led up to the point where I was. Nobody knew that but me and God and yet this organization that claims to be God?s representative on earth had three men who probably didn?t even know my first name before that committee meeting judge me for all eternity. I decided I would be better off talking to God and reading the Bible on my own with my daughter and so that?s what I started to do. Once again, the burden lifted.
On a side note, after I made the above decision, I did still attend on Saturday morning of the 1999 District Convention. A regular pioneer gave an experience of how her car needed $87 in repairs, but she didn?t have any money because she didn?t have a full-time job since she believed Jehovah would always provide for her. She was out in field service one day and as she stepped out of the car, she looked down and what do you think she saw in the gutter? A $100 bill! Everybody around me was ooohing and aaahing about how Jehovah provided this $100 bill to this poor pioneer sister so she could get her car fixed. All I could think was how I don?t know one single person who can afford to lose $100 and be okay with it. Did she take it to the house and try to return it? Of course not. Jehovah gave it to her. I was so upset I walked out at lunch and vowed I would never attend another meeting again.
What upsets me so much about this reasoning is the unfairness it attributes to God. Do you really expect me to believe that He gave this woman money to fix her car while children are starving all over the world for the lack of $1, let alone $100? If He was there for her that day to find the money in the gutter, where was He when the 14-year-old JW girl from Chicago was beaten to death by her parents with an extension cord, whilst they were quoting ?40 lashes less one?? Where was He when the fighter jet crashed into the apartment complex in Wichita Falls and the only two people killed were JWs out knocking on empty doors? I?m not the only person who didn?t understand that one. Gossip circulated after that incident that the two Witnesses were a man and a woman who weren?t married to each other and so they were probably having an affair. People will believe whatever it takes to maintain their faith, I guess.
In a similar vein, I read some JW experiences after 9/11 that had many JWs late for work that day for various reasons; car broke down, baby crying all night, etc., and so of course, Jehovah saved them. How do you think that made the family members of the 14 JWs who died that day feel when they read those experiences? I?m not saying I believe that God?s not interested in our day-to-day lives. I?m just saying it bothers me when JWs think He?s so much more concerned with them than He is with the rest of us.
In the fall of 1999, M--- came over one day to talk to me. In our conversation about religion, he mentioned that he had done some research and found out that Jerusalem was not destroyed in 607 BC, as I had been taught my entire life. Since Charles Russell had based his doctrine of the last days beginning in 1914 on this 607 date and since that doctrine in particular was one that really made me want to believe the JWs had the truth, I decided to do my own research. I went to several bookstores and libraries and found every book I could on the subject. I searched through regular history books, religious history books and ancient writings of different philosophers and historians, including Josephus. Every single one listed the date for the fall of Jerusalem as 586-587 BC. Several listed it as the 11 th year of the reign of King Zedekiah. So I searched through as many books as I could find to see if they all agreed on when that reign began and they did: 597-598 BC, which would once again put the fall of Jerusalem at 586-587 BC.
I was stunned by this information. I mentioned this fact to both of you in separate phone conversations years ago. Mom, I specifically remember almost begging you to help me find some historical proof that 607 was accurate. Did either one of you ever research this on your own? You never brought it up again, so I don?t know. The fact that you wouldn?t research this date played a big part in my not responding to your letter so long ago. I just felt like you wouldn?t really read what I had to say anyway.
The Watchtower literature also supports the date of 586 BC for the fall of Jerusalem. The article, "The Book of Truthful Historical Dates" (8/15/1968 WT), has a long list of secular historians and Bible scholars who all accept 539 BCE as the date when Babylon fell to Persian forces.
If you start with the WTS's own date of 539 for the fall of Babylon and count backwards through the Kings of Babylon for each year of their reigns, you arrive at 586/587 for Nebuchadnezzar's 18th/19th year, when he destroyed Jerusalem.
Start with Nabonidus, the last Babylonian king, and work backward.
Babylon falls to Cyrus the Persia -- 539 BCE
Nabonidus -- 17 years, beginning in 539 accession year = 556
Labashi-Marduk -- less than a year 3 months in 556
Neriglissar -- 4 years, beginning in 556 accession year = 560
Evil-Merodach -- 2 years, beginning in 560 accession year = 562
Nebuchadnezzar -- 43 years, beginning in 562 18 th /19 th years ? 586/587
So Jerusalem was destroyed in 586/587 BCE by Nebuchadnezzar.
Here are two quotations from WT literature showing the lengths of each king's reign. (There are many more quotations than this, just trying not to let this letter get too much longer.)
*** w65 1/1 p. 29 The Rejoicing of the Wicked Is Short-lived ***
Evil-merodach reigned two years and was murdered by his brother-in-law Neriglissar, who reigned for four years, which time he spent mainly in building operations. His underage son Labashi-Marduk, a vicious boy, succeeded him, and was assassinated within nine months. Nabonidus, who had served as governor of Babylon and who had been Nebuchadnezzar?s favorite son-in-law, took the throne and had a fairly glorious reign until Babylon fell in 539 B.C.E.
*** it-2 p. 480 Nebuchadnezzar ***
Nebuchadnezzar ruled as king for 43 years
Using the WT's own date of 539 BCE and the WT's own list of kings and reigns, if you construct a timeline you will NEVER arrive at 607 BCE for the fall of Jerusalem. Scholars disagree about many things, but not one scholar in the world agrees with the WTS's date of 607.
I can?t overemphasize the importance this held for me. I remember one of my first answers at a meeting was ?607,? even though I had no idea what it meant then. This date was drilled into my head from infancy. Why was there never a mention of the fact that JWs were the only people on the planet who held to it? How could I believe anything else they taught if the founding doctrine of the religion was false?
The fallacy of this doctrine led me to start researching old and new WBTS literature about other things I had always wondered about, 1975 in particular.
Mom, when I brought up 1975 in our conversation, you stated that that was something that people in the congregations came up with on their own and that the Society had nothing to do with the fact that people sold their homes, quit their jobs, postponed surgery, (thought they wouldn?t make it until fifth grade), etc., only to be disappointed when Armageddon didn?t come. You said if I had quotes from Society literature about this, you?d like to read them. Well, here they are.
Life Everlasting--In Freedom of the Sons of God, 1966. The chronological table it contained showed the end of 6,000 years of human history in 1975, along with explanatory comments that the date might very well see the beginning of Christ's millennial rule.
The special October 8, 1966 issue of Awake! contained the article "How Much Longer Will It Be?? Under the subheading "6,000 Years Completed in 1975," on pages 19-20 it said:
quote:
The Bible shows that when God began to shape the earth for human habitation, he worked for six "days," or time periods. From the indications in God's Word, each was apparently 7,000 years in length. Then Genesis 2:22 states, Jehovah "proceeded to rest on the seventh day from all his work that he had made." This seventh day, God's rest day, has progressed nearly 6,000 years, and there is still the 1,000-year reign of Christ to go before its end. (Rev. 20:3, 7) This seventh 1,000-year period of human existence could well be likened to a great sabbath day, pictured by the sabbath day God commanded ancient Israel to keep after working for six days. (Ex. 20:8-10; 2 Pet. 3:8) After six thousand years of toil and bondage to sin, sickness, death and Satan, mankind is due to enjoy a rest and is in dire need of a rest. (Heb. 4:1-11) Hence, the fact that we are nearing the end of the first 6,000 years of man's existence is of great significance.
Does God's rest day parallel the time man has been on earth since his creation? Apparently so. From the most reliable investigations of Bible chronology, harmonizing with many accepted dates of secular history, we find that Adam was created in the autumn of the year 4026 B.C.E. Sometime in that year Eve could well have been created, directly after which God's rest day commenced. In what year, then, would the first 6,000 years of man's existence and also the first 6,000 years of God's rest day come to an end? The year 1975. This is worthy of notice, particularly in view of the fact that the "last days" began in 1914, and that the physical facts of our day in fulfillment of prophecy mark this as the last generation of this wicked world. So we can expect the immediate future to be filled with thrilling events for those who rest their faith in God and his promises. It means that within relatively few years we will witness the fulfillment of the remaining prophecies that have to do with the "time of the end."
The March 1968 KM contained an insert titled "An Opportunity to Increase Your Happiness" (pp. 3-6) that encouraged "vacation pioneering" in April.
quote:
Since we have dedicated ourselves to Jehovah, we want to do his will to the fullest extent possible. Making some special effort to do more than the usual helps us live up to our dedication. In view of the short period of time left, we want to do this as often as circumstances permit. Just think, brothers, there are only about ninety months left before 6,000 years of man's existence on earth is completed. Do you remember what we learned at the assemblies last summer? The majority of people living today will probably be alive when Armageddon breaks out, and there are no resurrection hopes for those who are destroyed then. So, now more than ever, it is vital not to ignore that spirit of wanting to do more.
The August 15, 1968 Watchtower contained the article "Why Are You Looking Forward to 1975?? Not, "Are You Looking Forward..." but "Why Are You Looking Forward to 1975?" The Society told JWs that they ought to have been looking forward to 1975.
The 1969 booklet The Approaching Peace of a Thousand Years was also definite about 1975. On pages 25-26 it said:
quote:
More recently earnest researchers of the Holy Bible have made a recheck of its chronology. According to their calculations the six millenniums of mankind's life on earth would end in the mid-seventies. Thus the seventh millennium from man's creation by Jehovah God would begin within less than ten years...
In order for the Lord Jesus Christ to be "Lord even of the sabbath day," his thousand-year reign would have to be the seventh in a series of thousand-year periods or millenniums.
With regard to misrepresentations, the 1974 book Is This Life All There Is? said (p. 46):
quote:
Knowing these things, what will you do? It is obvious that the true God, who is himself "the God of truth" and who hates lies, will not look with favor on persons who cling to organizations that teach falsehood. (Psalm 31:5; Proverbs 6:16-19; Revelation 21:8) And, really, would you want to be even associated with a religion that had not been honest with you?
In the interests of space and time, I?ve only included four or five quotes; there are dozens in a similar vein. The question I had to ask myself after I researched this in WBTS literature was how could any JW NOT look forward to 1975? It is a documented fact that the Society encouraged belief that 1975 would bring Armageddon. The average rank and file Jehovah?s Witness does not come up with theories or dates all by himself, especially ones that take hold organization wide. And to answer the WBTS question in the paragraph above, no, I do not want to be associated with a religion that has not been honest with me.
Child molestation
During the brief period that I belonged to the ex-JW support group, I met several people who had been molested as children. Child abuse or more accurately, the covering up of child abuse amongst JWs, has been a hot news topic in the last several years. The WBTS doctrine that no man can be found guilty of something if he denies it and there are not two witnesses to the wrongdoing has enabled many a deviant to get away with abuse. The Society reportedly has 23,000 names of people who have been accused of child molestation on file at Bethel. If the number is even a quarter of that, it?s still disgusting.
How many child molesters do you know who invite someone along to witness their actions? The two-witness rule was obviously not meant to apply in this situation and yet the WBTS has taken the stand that no one can tell them what to do. They have absolutely no intention of changing their stand on this policy, even though thousands of victims have come forward in the last five years. I?ve read hundreds of first-person accounts of people who were forced to live with their molesters in the same house or watch them give talks at the meetings for years after these victims tried to get relief the only way they knew how and the only place they were allowed to: the elders and the WBTS. Case after case after case has been documented where the molester denied wrongdoing, the elders called the Society for guidance and were instructed that as long as there weren?t two witnesses, the ?brother? was guiltless. They were also discouraged from going to the police. If the victims spoke out in the congregation, they were punished for slander.
The victims ARE finally speaking out and they are winning civil and criminal court cases all over the US, Canada and Europe. I can track down some court transcripts if you need proof of this. I can also send you some of the first-person accounts of the victims if you?re interested.
Dad, I?m sure in all the years you served as an elder, this issue must have been raised at least once. Wasn?t this what happened to J---- S-----? Didn?t her father deny any wrongdoing and remain in good standing as an elder in the congregation for years while his daughter slowly deteriorated into alcohol and drug abuse? Is it really necessary for Jehovah?s name to be kept clean from reproach by covering up the wrongdoing of his followers?
There are several other things that I came across in my research that I found very interesting, but this letter will be 50 pages long if I detailed them all. If you?d like to have the complete list, then please let me know and I?ll write again. One I will mention that bothered me a great deal was the fact that the Society condemned organ transplants as cannibalism in this article: Watchtower 1967 November 15 pp.702-4 Questions from Readers. Then 13 years later, in the Watchtower 1980 March 15 p.31 Questions from Readers, they did a complete flip flop and said organ transplants were a matter for personal decision.
Do you think it?s possible in that 13-year time span that someone died because they didn?t get an organ transplant? You cannot convince me that God would be behind a religion that would do such a thing to its followers. I don?t believe the scripture in Proverbs about the light getting brighter as the day draws near is applicable in a situation like this. If you read that whole chapter, it?s not talking about being completely wrong on a matter and then when ?the light gets brighter,? believing the exact opposite of what you previously did. It?s talking about a truth that is gradually revealed over time, not a falsehood that becomes a truth later.
There have also been some things I?ve discovered on my own (not by researching books, but by living my life) that ran directly counter to what I had been led to believe when I was a JW. I grew up with the impression that everybody knew who Jehovah?s Witnesses were and what they believed and that worldly people, even if they seemed good on the outside, were wicked at heart or at the very least, immoral according to God?s standards (whatever you interpret those to be).
I have met quite a few people over the past five and a half years who have stronger moral character and integrity than many JWs. These people have exemplary character, not because they?re afraid not to, not because they?re afraid of being ostracized by their families, not because they fear death at God?s hand, but because it?s who they truly are.
I?ve also met almost NO ONE who has ever even spoken to a JW in depth, let alone read their literature or been informed as to their beliefs. JWs are known for going door to door with religious tracts and that?s about it. One person I talked to at length about this said something I thought was very interesting. He said, ?I think Jehovah?s Witnesses knocked on my door early one Saturday, but I was so tired that I didn?t get of bed. Since that?s the only contact I?ve had with them in my 25 years, I guess if the ?end of the world? comes tomorrow, I?ll be judged wicked.? And he was right, according to JW doctrine.
I choose not to believe in a God who would judge his creation so harshly. I choose to believe that God cares about good humans, individual humans in all countries and all religions, Catholic humans, Seventh Day Adventist humans, JW humans, atheist humans, Muslim humans, homosexual humans and yes, even those poor, neglected Bangladeshis.
You once asked me, ?After your faith is torn apart, what are you offered in return?? My answer to that is, my faith in God was NOT torn apart. My faith that Jehovah?s Witnesses are God?s organization on earth was torn apart. In fact, I was devastated that the people I trusted the most in the world (no, not my parents, but the WBTS) had lied to me and covered over so many things. I was depressed for months and that?s why, for a short period of time, I talked to some people who had already been through the same things I was going through. I feel that by researching the JW religion in depth and taking this stand, I?m doing what I was raised to do and that was not to compromise my personal integrity despite what men may say or do.
You also once asked me in the same letter as mentioned above, ?Why are you believing all this information from strangers when you have the truth right in front of you?? That question really made me think and it wasn?t until I started writing this letter and quoting the WBTS literature that I realized you were right. Everything I believed for the first 31 years of my life came from the WBTS and the men who built the Jehovah?s Witness religion are definitely strangers to me.
It?s four years later and I no longer NEED to believe one thing or another. I don?t NEED to believe that I?m right and everyone else is wrong. I don?t NEED to know what happens when I die. Am I sick of the wickedness and depravity I see every time I watch the news? Of course, I am. I still worry and pray for strangers who are experiencing hard times. I still have fears of my loved ones being harmed in some way. But I?m no longer dogmatic about what the outcome of this world will be. For the most part, I have an incredible peacefulness inside me that I never felt as a JW. Whatever is going to happen in the future will happen whether I have it all figured out or not. I choose to continue praying on my own and to do the best that I can to raise a happy, healthy daughter with whom to share my life.
I?m sorry that my decision not to belong to your religion has, in your own words, broken your heart. You aren?t the only ones who have experienced heartbreak over my decision. I can?t even describe the pain I?ve gone through over my grandmother not speaking to me for the final three years of her life. Or how much it hurt that my brother, who used to be my best friend, didn?t tell me he was getting married. (By the way, thanks for the pictures.) Or the tears I?ve shed because I miss M-----, B----, V------, C------, M------ and everyone else I loved and still love.
But when it comes down to it, I am not sorry about my decision. I?m only sorry about how you?ve chosen to interpret what it means for my future, since that?s what?s causing you pain. When I tried to talk to you and my brothers about these things in the past, instead of addressing the specific issues I raised, your main response was to let me know how much I was ?upsetting? everyone. My intent in writing this is not to be antagonistic, but I realize in advance you?re going to find this letter upsetting. Perhaps that?s why it?s taken me so long to muster up the courage to write it.
Well, right now I?m just wondering if you?ve actually read this through to the end. I hope you have, since it took me 36 years to finally speak to you from my heart.
Love,
L------