DanTheMan	some unimportant random thoughts & reflections
	To be honest, I feel like I barely qualify as an ex-dub.  Wasn't raised in it, no relatives in it, and aside from my first one or two years of being involved with it, I didn't believe much of it.  But at the point where I first started having doubts creep in, instead of investigating those doubts, I turned off my brain.  Because I needed the structure and community so badly.  I'm sure the endless "don't question" propaganda coming out of Brooklyn was a contributing factor also.  I regret so much those years of mental atrophy.  I stopped caring about things, I lost my natural intellectual curiosity, I just wanted Armageddon to come and obliterate everything.  Well, Armageddon never came, just like it never came for ol' Charlie Russell. I needed JWism.  I probably would have taken my own life or gone completely crazy had I not found something like JWism to latch onto.  But it was only a mask, it didn't really address what ailed me.  And I don't know that what ails me is curable, I am not the most together guy, not by a long shot.  I think that people find me to be odd, hostile, immature, paranoid, hyper, and they are probably right.  I'm seeing a great counselor though, so it's two steps forward, one back, two forward, one back.  I think that I could be a good guy.  I hope the potential is there for me to be a nuanced, mature adult.  I hope this mad mad world gives me a few years of life to atone for my wasted years. I think that I've sought an identity in the ex-jw community, which makes my involvement with this board somewhat pathological.  It's the same old sh*t basically.  Just like how I was so anxious to be a "hood" back in high school (the ciggy & pot smoking, heavy metal crowd were known as hoods, short for hoodlum I guess).  I idealized the hoods, I thought that they were clearly superior to any other clique that existed.  I wanted so bad to be one of the central figures in the hood crowd.  It never happened.  Then after some unsavory experiences it began to dawn on me that the hoods were more screwed up than anybody.  Not too many years later I would make the same mistake with JW's.  And here I am on this board, up to almost 1800 posts, wanting so much to be one of the Stinkypantz or LittleToes or AlanF's of this board, yet I know that I could quit posting tomorrow and very few would notice I was gone. So, while this probably isn't goodbye, I think I need scale back the amount of time I spend here waayyy back, and unless I make some sort of announcement to that effect like the one I'm making now, I'll find myself spending hours here that I could be spending on more beneficial things like watching South Park. BYE!
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