To be honest, I feel like I barely qualify as an ex-dub.  Wasn't raised in it, no relatives in it, and aside from my first one or two years of being involved with it, I didn't believe much of it.  But at the point where I first started having doubts creep in, instead of investigating those doubts, I turned off my brain.  Because I needed the structure and community so badly.  I'm sure the endless "don't question" propaganda coming out of Brooklyn was a contributing factor also.  I regret so much those years of mental atrophy.  I stopped caring about things, I lost my natural intellectual curiosity, I just wanted Armageddon to come and obliterate everything.  Well, Armageddon never came, just like it never came for ol' Charlie Russell.

I needed JWism.  I probably would have taken my own life or gone completely crazy had I not found something like JWism to latch onto.  But it was only a mask, it didn't really address what ailed me.  And I don't know that what ails me is curable, I am not the most together guy, not by a long shot.  I think that people find me to be odd, hostile, immature, paranoid, hyper, and they are probably right.  I'm seeing a great counselor though, so it's two steps forward, one back, two forward, one back.  I think that I could be a good guy.  I hope the potential is there for me to be a nuanced, mature adult.  I hope this mad mad world gives me a few years of life to atone for my wasted years.

I think that I've sought an identity in the ex-jw community, which makes my involvement with this board somewhat pathological.  It's the same old sh*t basically.  Just like how I was so anxious to be a "hood" back in high school (the ciggy & pot smoking, heavy metal crowd were known as hoods, short for hoodlum I guess).  I idealized the hoods, I thought that they were clearly superior to any other clique that existed.  I wanted so bad to be one of the central figures in the hood crowd.  It never happened.  Then after some unsavory experiences it began to dawn on me that the hoods were more screwed up than anybody.  Not too many years later I would make the same mistake with JW's.  And here I am on this board, up to almost 1800 posts, wanting so much to be one of the Stinkypantz or LittleToes or AlanF's of this board, yet I know that I could quit posting tomorrow and very few would notice I was gone.

So, while this probably isn't goodbye, I think I need scale back the amount of time I spend here waayyy back, and unless I make some sort of announcement to that effect like the one I'm making now, I'll find myself spending hours here that I could be spending on more beneficial things like watching South Park.

BYE!

I have always enjoyed your posts also Dan.  You give a unique persepective dispite the fact that you refuse to own a cat .

I'm glad to hear that you are moving forward but hope that you will continue to be a part of our rather large disfunctional family.

Dan

You make a valuable contribution to the board, IMHO.  Why compare yourself to others?  Don't leave.

 

Xena

Shocking!    What shall we do with him?  Dan, could you PLEASE reconsider this - how CAN you be kitty-negative?!!!

t

Dan, your posts are always thought-provoking, as was the conversation we had a couple months ago...I gained perspectives from you that even today (re: a recent thread) are proving relevant and valuable.

Your analogy to "the hoods" is another example of that: From where do we derive true self-worth? By being a high-profile member of some "hood" (whatever that group might be)? By being a misfit and rebel? By being a non-participant in society? (Rhetorical questions, because you obviously already know the answer. )

In the ebb and flow of this db, it seems like pretty much everybody has spurts of activity, and periods of quiessence. I hope you keep poking around here and jump in now and then.

If you like, perhaps we can talk again soon? I'd certainly enjoy that.

Craig

Gawd, low aspirations, or what!!!
You need a confidence injection, my friend.
Besides, I don't know how I managed to get into a mixed bag with SP and Alan - that's one "menage au trois" that bears no lengthy consideration

FWIW I always read your posts and enjoy them immensely.
Unfortunately I couldn't get to Joy's for the Fest that you attended, but from what I hear you're a lovely guy.  I heard that from folks that I trust the opinion of, btw.  Volleyball would have been on the agenda, methinks.

Now get out there and post another 1800 - you're nearly catching me up!!!

 

Gee y'all, I'm so touched!  Really, thanks, I didn't know that anybody paid attention to or looked forward to my posts.

I guess my paranoia is getting the best of me here.  I have these imaginings that people on this board PM each other:  "don't you think DTM is such a weirdo?"  LOL

Stinky and Littletoe, the reason I mentioned your names was because it seems to me that you guys could start a thread titled "how do you feel about fart smell" or something and you'd get 10 pages of responses!   But, that's a good thing, we all fill our little niche here.

Well, now that it's morning and I'm in a better mood, I'm thinking that I'll probably just scale my participation back here a little, not a lot, with school starting Wednesday I won't have much choice.  As I'm sure you all have experienced, time flies when you're on JWD.  I've come here so many times thinking, OK, I'll just do a quick check to see if there's any threads that interest me, only to get locked on here for 3 hours or something. 

Once again, thanks for your comments, I needed that boost!

Hi Dan,

I can relate to what you are said

I feel the same way, I never fit in as a JW (even though I was raised in 'it') and I never fit in as a "worldly".  When I found this board I did  what I do with everything in my  life.  I slip  in  and start hanging out, in the background,  so later if it starts not working any longer for me, I can just as easily as I snuck in the back door, I can slip out un-noticed.  I just keep wearing the mask, and no one will notice that I don't have it together. 

This is a good idea..

or you could get out and meet people that you have things other than JWism in common with you.  But don't abandon us.  Everytime someone says that they are leaving, I feel this sick feeling deep inside my stomache. 

Having met you in person, I never thought...

well maybe the paranoid part...hehehe

Hugs,

Lisa

 

 

Don't imagine it, it's true!!!!

Nah, I'm only kidding. The times your name has been mentioned it's always in a positive way

Please don't be a stranger to the board. Everyone contributes in their own special way, and I have always enjoyed reading your posts.

Good luck with school and everything you want to accomplish.

 

Dan,

I don't post much but I read a lot.  I always read your posts and always enjoy reading them.

I hope you don't decide to leave. Take a break if you must.

Best regards,

Chester

I sent you a PM