I'm in a bit of a state at the moment, my wife has just left me about 30 mins ago and took the kids...I don't know where...

OK, some of you long-timers may remember the problems I had with my son Ben, who decided that the JW religion wasn't for him about a year ago. I supported him as best I could through that and he's developed into a fine young man with a more healthy spiritual attitude, investigationg a number of Christian Churches in the area and finally settled on Church of England, which he really likes now.

Although no longer a Christian myself I have no objection to them pursuing whatever religious path they choose (obviously within reason). That has been the case with all of my children: Ben, 15, Charlotte, 14 and Chloe, 12. I have NEVER attempted to stop my wife taking them to the meetings although I have voiced to them privately my concerns about the religion. But I have had nowhere near the input into their spiritual development that my wife has.

She is a devout JW and this morning things came to a head. Charlotte has for some time been expressing to me that she doesn't believe the JW religion is the Truth anymore and really hates going. This morning, out of the blue, she told her mum that she will not go to anymore meetings. My wife got really angry. She was screaming and shouting at Charlotte, physically forcing her to get changed for the meeting, and shouting at me for 'killing the children' and how much of a bad father I was and she hated me.

I didn't know what to do

Eventually I could see that Charlotte was getting really distressed so I stepped in and told my wife that it was OK to take Cahrlotte to the meetings if she could be pursuaded through normal means but I was not going to allow her to be bullied, either through emotional blackmail or physical intervention.

My wife went ballistic and told me that if I didn't back down she would take legel action against me! She told me she had been recording things, writing them down!! (I don't know what). She was going to get me kicked out of the house.

Anyway, I stayed as calm as I could for the kids, I didn't even raise my voice even though my wife was screaming at me.

But I stuck to my guns and said that I would not let her force the children to go to a place they hated day after day week after week.

So she grabbed the girls, who were sobbing, and left in the car. Charlotte didn't even have any shoes on...

I haven't a clue where she's gone (I'm hoping her JW mother's), I didn't dare physically intervene, I just don't know where I stand on this and didn't want to make things worse.

So I'm left shaking and bewildered in an empty house wondering what the hell is going to happen and I don't know what to do.

Dean.

((((((((((((( Dean ))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Would they be going to the meeting?  As much as I hate the idea of setting foot in a KH ever again, in this instance I think it's worth going there to make sure your children are safe.

Since it's obvious that she's taking steps to eventually get the marriage dissolved, you had better start documenting incidents (like this one) and get yourself to a lawyer and get some advice.  You shouldn't have to tolerate her saying things like "You are killing the children" nor should the children EVER be subjected to those opinions of you.

Love, Scully

((()))

(((((((((((((( Dean )))))))))))))))))) another hug because I think you need it!

You are a teacher, so you must know what the rules and regulations are regarding child abuse in your jurisdiction.

I think you and your wife need to meet with a counsellor from Family Services / Child Welfare (or whatever the official agency is in your area).  Your wife is totally out of line being verbally and physically abusive with the children.  She is being unreasonable in insisting that the girls continue to go to the KH against their will.  It will only make the girls dig in their heels and resist even more if they see their mother getting even more insistent and unreasonable.

I agree with Minimus that she is terrified that she is losing control over the children.  To her mind, it reflects on her own inadequacy to "bring them up in the discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah".  Rather than admitting her own inadequacy or even worse to her way of thinking the inadequacy of the JW belief system to retain its youth, she chooses to use you as a scapegoat.

Bottom line: she is being abusive.  To you, and to the children.  Deal with her the way you would if she was the mother of one of your students who was confiding in you about things in their own home.

Love, Scully

Thanks so much for all the support friends, it means a lot to me.

Scully, I'm going to walk round to her mother's now and see if the car is there, so at least I know they are somewhere safe. If not then I'll have to get my bike out of mothballs and go up to the hall.

L8r

Dean

Dean I'm so sorry...Been there buddy and it hurts like hell.

You are my hero for the excellent stand you made, you took the high road and believe me the kids are aware of it. Sounds to me like your predicament is worse than mine.....I'm not sure what she could mean about taped conversations......It may sound scary but under certain circumstances the elders will back her for seperation or divorce on the grounds of spiritual endangerment...but you seem to be willing to let the kids go to the synagogue with her if they want.

I'll keep bumping you to the top buddy and maybe someone can offer better solice and encouragement than me.

My thoughts are with you

 

Dean I don't know about the laws in England but in Canada if your name is on the house papers she can't have you thrown out. Check with a lawyer. Some places have a free legal info line. Check your phone book. Odd as it sounds try calling a women's shelter. They might be helpful.

Also at the ages of the children they might be given a choice of which parent they want to live with. Here a child over the age of 14 gets to choose. So don't worry about what she might have on you. The incident today was clearly abusive.

Be strong and loving with the children. You have rights. Find out what they are and use them to the full to protect yourself and the children

(((((Dean)))))

I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain. 

Seek legal counsel as soon as possible.  Make sure the children are safe at all times.  Protect yourself.

Lisa

Wow, Dmouse, I'm so sorry you and your children are experiencing such abuse.  Hats off to you for taking the high road! 

It seems that your wife has already been preparing herself for a divorce (?) so I can't agree enough with the others who have advised you to seek legal counsel A.S.A.P.  You just might be in for the fight of your life.

((Dmouse))