Found this article on the web some time back folks ..... could relate to most of
it ..... thought it might be of help to all of you too ..JanGSpiritual abuse once robbed me of the things listed below. Has it also robbed you? The ability to meet people without judging their motives and actions.
The ability to mind my own business.
The ability to meet others' stated needs instead of using their need to hide my pain.
The ability to meet any situation without feeling inadequate or "less-than".
The ability to hear what people say instead of what I think they mean.
The ability to allow my (husband/wife/best-friend, etc.) to be the kind of person s/he chooses to be
instead of how I perceive him/her to be.
The ability to have an intimate relationship with another human being.
The ability to have spontaneous actions and reactions.
The ability to allow God, or the Holy Spirit inside me, to interpret life for me instead of the church or its leaders.
The ability to recognize when I am in pain either physically or emotionally.
The ability to allow others to be right.
The ability to have genuine fun.
The ability to accept my abilities, accomplishments, talents and assetswithout shame.
The right to fail, make mistakes, or err in judgment.
The ability to remember names, details, and/or directions.
The ability to be emotionally present in a painful situation.Within the context of spiritual abuse, boundaries are violated upon such dubious
justifications as "looking out for your soul", "being my brother's keeper",
"loving you in Christ", "giving exhortation and admonishment", "preaching the
Word of God", and a host of others. All are designed with the classic abuser's
trap of making the victim, not himself, feel or seem responsible for the
abuse. Anyone who truly feels genuine personal concern for the welfare of
another would surely take the time to properly earn their trust before
approaching them on a sensitive issue. Healthy psychological boundaries are designed to keep our inner sanctum safe
and unadulterated from the casual and careless trampling of unwanted
intruders. Some signs of unhealthy boundaries in relationships with others are
as follows: 1.Telling all; unable to discern what is your right to keep private or what might not be appropriate to disclose.
2.Talking at an intimate level too soon, or at the first meeting.
3.Feeling pushed into talking at an intimate level.
4.Pushing others to disclose more of themselves than they are openly willing.
5.Falling "in love" or becoming obsessed with anyone who reaches out.
6.Being overwhelmed by a person - preoccupied.
7.Going against personal values or rights to please others.
8.Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.
9.Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
10.Accepting food, gifts, touch, companionship or sex that you don't want.
11.Touching a person without asking.
12.Allowing another to take as much as they can from you.
13.The inability to say "no" or "enough".
14.Letting others direct your life.
15.Letting others describe or dictate your reality.
16.Letting others define you or who you are.
17.Believing others can anticipate your needs.
18.Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
19.Trying to direct others' lives.
20.Trying to describe or dictate others' reality.
21.Trying to define who others are.
22.Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
JanG
it ..... thought it might be of help to all of you too ..JanGSpiritual abuse once robbed me of the things listed below. Has it also robbed you? The ability to meet people without judging their motives and actions.
The ability to mind my own business.
The ability to meet others' stated needs instead of using their need to hide my pain.
The ability to meet any situation without feeling inadequate or "less-than".
The ability to hear what people say instead of what I think they mean.
The ability to allow my (husband/wife/best-friend, etc.) to be the kind of person s/he chooses to be
instead of how I perceive him/her to be.
The ability to have an intimate relationship with another human being.
The ability to have spontaneous actions and reactions.
The ability to allow God, or the Holy Spirit inside me, to interpret life for me instead of the church or its leaders.
The ability to recognize when I am in pain either physically or emotionally.
The ability to allow others to be right.
The ability to have genuine fun.
The ability to accept my abilities, accomplishments, talents and assetswithout shame.
The right to fail, make mistakes, or err in judgment.
The ability to remember names, details, and/or directions.
The ability to be emotionally present in a painful situation.Within the context of spiritual abuse, boundaries are violated upon such dubious
justifications as "looking out for your soul", "being my brother's keeper",
"loving you in Christ", "giving exhortation and admonishment", "preaching the
Word of God", and a host of others. All are designed with the classic abuser's
trap of making the victim, not himself, feel or seem responsible for the
abuse. Anyone who truly feels genuine personal concern for the welfare of
another would surely take the time to properly earn their trust before
approaching them on a sensitive issue. Healthy psychological boundaries are designed to keep our inner sanctum safe
and unadulterated from the casual and careless trampling of unwanted
intruders. Some signs of unhealthy boundaries in relationships with others are
as follows: 1.Telling all; unable to discern what is your right to keep private or what might not be appropriate to disclose.
2.Talking at an intimate level too soon, or at the first meeting.
3.Feeling pushed into talking at an intimate level.
4.Pushing others to disclose more of themselves than they are openly willing.
5.Falling "in love" or becoming obsessed with anyone who reaches out.
6.Being overwhelmed by a person - preoccupied.
7.Going against personal values or rights to please others.
8.Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.
9.Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.
10.Accepting food, gifts, touch, companionship or sex that you don't want.
11.Touching a person without asking.
12.Allowing another to take as much as they can from you.
13.The inability to say "no" or "enough".
14.Letting others direct your life.
15.Letting others describe or dictate your reality.
16.Letting others define you or who you are.
17.Believing others can anticipate your needs.
18.Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
19.Trying to direct others' lives.
20.Trying to describe or dictate others' reality.
21.Trying to define who others are.
22.Falling apart so someone will take care of you.
JanG