I know where you're coming from, and I've thought this many many times. There's been a lot of this going on ever since I left. However, I usually re-assure myself that God really couldn't be so cruel to eliminate everyone who isn't a JW - even if they're good people.

I've been out for about 7 years, and I still find myself thinking this. I doubt it will ever go away completely. The good thing is when I have kids, they'll never have to be put through this crap - if they make the right decisions.

Is it possible to totally reprogram yourself?  I think so.  I've only been out 2 years, but I don't have thoughts like you mentioned about Iraq.  Your comments make me think you haven't spent enough time thinking about the JW's.  That may sound funny, cuz ultimately, it sounds like you very much want to never think about the JW's, but what I mean is, I don't think you've given enough thought to just how stupid the whole doctrine of JW's is. 

You may say upon hearing this "hell yeah I know it's stupid!", well let me rephrase it then; perhaps you haven't given enough thought to how impossible the JW doctrine is, or how impossible it would be for it (JW doctrine) to be "right" about anything concerning this earth.  I guess what I'm advocating, and I advocate this for most of lifes problems, is to "intellectualize", rather than "feel".  Then you simply won't get these fear based feelings anymore, at least not about anything JW related.  The feelings will still be there when you need them.

Don't get me wrong, all sorts of horrible things could happen, and all sorts of things are threatening the earth, but that is just the way things are, and has nothing to do with JW doctrine or the bible.  In fact, both JW doctrine and bible prophecy, have proved to be completely wrong and not grounded in reality.  Neither should be a source of concern once examined. 

This is exactly good advice.  My wife and I left at about the same time, and we were both born and raised -ins.  I definately do not get those 'what if they were right' feelings about anything, although I used to.  What it took was a LOT of research into their doctrine.

My wife left because she didn't feel the love that the bible said would identify jesus's followers, essentially, left because it 'felt' wrong.

Problem with that is, it's human nature to second guess our 'feelings'.  In order to definately leave any trace of doubt behind, you need to research it all into oblivion.  Prove every single thing they taught you is false (it really isn't that hard to do).  Only then will you truly be free of doubt.

As a result, my wife still has doubts from time to time, although she dismisses them.  She's never done any research, though, she doesn't want to.  She just wants 'to put it all behind' - which is, of course, not possible unless you think it out and through.

(Note that the brainwashing of conditioned responses will take a LOT longer to get over, mostly because you are conditioned to respond to things you don't even realize.  But the doubt will be gone, at least)

a couple of years ago I started thinking of myself not as an XJW, but as a former JW. To me the subtle difference has become a glaring obvious. To me an X-anything still connects to that thing I am an X of. But to say I am a former JW cuts th cord for me, because I am a former lot of things....and it just means that it is something that I finished in my life and moved on with. If I started to think of myself differently, then I started to behave differently.

But I have to say, it was not until I took a vacation from this particular forum last year and became a member of another elist called ExitFundyism when I started to realize that the world was a bigger place and JWs are not the only dangerous spins on xtianity and XJWs are not the only ones who have been devastated and hurt by their former religions. One of the first threads I got involved with on that elist was one that asked what things do you think you missed out on being raised in a fundy situation. I did not know what to expect out of the 400 or so members...but after I bit the bullet and wrote about the silly things I didn't know how to do on my own when I left JWs, 0I not only found others comiserating--but they actually experienced the exact same things! For instance, I did not know how to strike a match well into my early 20's...I didn't smoke, no birthday candles, no incense or candles(my dad thot they were too catholic...), electric stove, so until I had to learn fast or freeze to death in North Idaho I had never struck a match. I was ashamed of that. But atleast three other women said the exact same thing...and they were no where near being JWs....they were raised Pentecostal, Church of God, and Assembly of God!

While it may be true that the lingo is peculiar to JWs, the experience is not. And I have also found out that the differences in the lingo are not even all that great. And that elist has members from Europe, UK, Asia, Australia and USA plus! So it is also not just auniquely American experience either...

It has really broadened my  perspective and lets me look at things with a more panaramic scope.

I actually go days, even weeks without thinking about being a former JW. And this time when I came back here to this forum, I am disconnected to alot of the stuff that used to tangle around my feet and drag me down.

No offense to this wonderful forum--for it provides an essential and life saving service. But for me, to finally lose that JW-ness, I had to leave all things JW for a while and find out that JWs are only one thing in this world that causes pain.

Ravyn

Well I certainly know what you mean. I know that I will always in some way have the residual beliefs, the stuff like the holdiays and resurrection and paradise always creep their way back in there occasionally. I was born in "the truth" also and it has taken me years and a loving man's determination and patience with me to finally see what the real truth is, and once you do boy, it is hard and wonderful all at the same time. luckily my now husband was very knowledgable of the bible and very intelligent, and he was able to reason real fact with me, i could not ignore.

 

I believe everything that happens to us shapes who we become.  Adversity, though I would not wish it on my worst enemy, does change us; sometimes for the better.  Consider the oldest tree in the world.  Twisted by wind and weather, it still has its own beauty.  And you have to admire it for it's sheer survival power.

 "It has been said that trees are imperfect men, and seem to bemoan their imprisonment rooted in the ground. But they never seem so to me. I never saw a discontented tree. They grip the ground as though they liked it, and though fast rooted they travel about as far as we do. They go wandering forth in all directions with every wind, going and coming like ourselves, traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day, and through space heaven knows how fast and far!"

-John Muir

The japanese appreciate this kind of beauty.  Consider the lovely Bonsai.

I think a little bit of the JW will always be in you, because that is who you are.  You do have the power, though, to shed the bad parts.

Ravyn, please understand me.  I am not saying that the Religion will always be part of your makeup.  I am speaking as a survivor of abuse.  As much as I would like to erase that part of my life, it did mark me, change me.  I am a changed person because of the sum of all my experiences.

jgnat, I can understand that, and of course the bad experiences we have do become a part of who we are(whether they happened in the JW context or some other). But I was thinking that she was talking more about the doctrinal brain washing and thought patterns rather than the trauma.

Ravyn

Jesika, I sure dont think I have any of the answers to this , since I have only been out a year.

I loved my religion, my God, my brothers and sisters, and I swear to God , leaving the JW, was one of the most painful things I ever went thru.

I am serious , I put it up there with the death of my mom, the grief , the emptiness , the anger. Also it is in the top 5 miserable things that happened to me. The only thing with this one is ,,,,,,,,,, we can go on......... we never forget, we never should.

I feel that for all the pain being a JW was and leaving it, is only going to make us stronger people .

Jes,,,,,, I know you have been thru some bad things in your life, things you can't change, things you didnt cause, you just had to play the hand you were delt, as bad as it was. But even with that you came out a fighter. You didnt let your childhood abuse stop you from speaking out and helping others, and you will always be healing from that. The same why I will forever till the day I die, deal with my childhood neglect,,,,,,, I dont want to say child abuse because it is not what you went thru. But it did scar me ,,,,,,, I will never be like a person who never went thru it, I am who I am because of what I had to go thru. Not saying that I would choose to go thru it again, no way in hell,,,,,,,, but what can we do, we can't change the past.

Same thing on a different level, being in a destructive , mind controlling cult, knows as our once beloved JW. It will always be part of who we are,,,,,,, it is our history. We can learn from it, not make the mistake again, and help others who are feeling the way we are.

I know I will never stop feeling like a part of me will be connected to JW. I wish my life would have been different, a diff. religion, but it is what it is.

To me ,,,,,,,,, the hard part is the conflicting feelings I have about it all,,,,,being JW, and then being ex jw. THere were things I loved about JW, things I miss,,,,,, even if they were false hopes, they were dear to my heart. Then other times I hate the JW for all the crap .

It is just a process of learning to live with what you were really into , and although it was miserable, we made it thru it, we chose to leave, either by getting d/f or d/a and we are in control . It is one thing in my life,,,,,,,,,,,, d/a myself , leaving it all behind, that has made me strong, for the first time in my life, I felt I had power over a situation. But,,,,,,,,,, part of me will always feel like I am an exjw.

I don't think there will come a time that I don't think of it all daily.