(((((((((Elsewhere)))))))))

It is only right that you are angry.  You are being treated dreadfully.  Also, anger is part of the grieving process that we must all go through.

For the brief time that my family shunned me, I found therapy helpful.  Unfortunately, I didn't have enough money to chose my therapist.  I had to rely on community programs for sliding fee payment.  Talking to the therapist does help.  I know that you said that you do not want to go to somebody and have to explain everything to him/her.  But you should.  It helps to talk about it and it lets your therapist know what you are going through.

I would recommend a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. 

I wish you well in your recovery processs.

Love,

Robyn

Elsewhere, run the word "cult" or "cults" through your search engine.

Some of your hits will land on issues people face when they leave a cult. Some have suggestions on how to handle those issues. Shunning is one of those issues.

This may put you on a path to finding the answers you need.

Richard

 

(((((Elsewhere)))))

I appreciate everything you said.  My time frame is the same as yours, 4 years.  Most contact, although little, was always instigated by me.  We have not spoken since Feb.

I've come to understand what kinds of people I want in my life.  Besides the JW issue, I've come to learn of other things about my parents (especially my dad who is a PO & has allowed, even praised a servant in his congo he knows is a pedophile), that has caused me to lose most all respect for them as human beings.  For so long I excused their behavior cuz it's all they've ever known.  But now it goes way beyond that.

I'm in the process of writing a very detailed and intense letter.  I've been mulling it over for months & months cuz I want to express myself with as little anger as possible (although it's there) and represent myself in the most respectable way.  But I don't intend to prance around the issues.  This letter is my one shot to firmly say I WILL NEVER BE BACK and show the many doctrinal reasons of why.  I will also be quite candid as to my disappointment as to the kind of human beings they've shown themselves to be.

My intentions are many....

To finally speak up for myself loud & clear.

Such action will either cause them to quite their shunning cuz they realize it does no good (yeah right) or they will cut me off once and for all.

To take my shot at exposing the JW's for what they really are.  I don't feel they will ever leave, BUT if there is at least 1% chance to open their eyes, I need to take it.

 

I've become quite accustomed to not having them in my life.  Hearing that my own parents don't want me to be happy in the least bit makes me want to cut them out of life completely.  They do not deserve to be apart of any happy occasion in my life.  I used to wonder if they would come to my wedding.  Now I have no intention of ever inviting or telling them.

I understand how hard it is.  I was extremely close to my family.  We did everything together.  But my freedom has been so worth giving them up.  I have new family that love & adore me.  They can't even fathom doing to me as my parents have done.

I wish you the best in your recovery.  And yes....see a therapist.  I intend to as well to help me continually work things out.  And it is good to tell them everything.  It will be quite a cleansing process for you in itself.

Shauna

((((((hugs)))))) Elsewhere

I would like the answer to your question also......all my family is wordly....but, except for my parents I shyed away from them and so wasn't involved with them because they were"WORLDLY". I feel like a jerk if I walk up and say..."hey...I know I have only spoken to you 3 times in 15 years,,,,,but wanna go to a ball game?"

My parents are my kids Grandparents and I didn't have the heart to cut them out....so we have them.....still I made JW's my family.......and now I am dissed. Unrightiously(I know...many innocent in jail)

Still the shunning hurts to the innermost part of your being......you feel you'll never be the same....and even if reinstated the damage will just keep festering. And I don't mean anger or hate....but ultimate sadness. How can I look at people I loved so much in the same way again.....How can I believe when they say they care......when they abandoned me and my children in our greatest need?

There is an invisible wall between me and the worldly....I can talk to them...joke with them....but if one says....your cool.....wanna go to a movie....I'm like...sorry busy....no can do. You should see the puzzled look. Now I feel there will be even if reinstated an invisible wall between me and the cong.......this damage is done and seems to be life lasting one.

I wish I could give hope...this is not a very Utopian post

I think therapy is an answer and meeting with X-JW's as already sugested........

I'd say since you have the added Heart Break  of your family shunning you....(((((hugs))))) trying to adopt some suragate fam is in order.

I hope and pray elsewhere you find the peace and love you need.

agape,

Utopian_Raindrops

I know were you are coming from and I deal with my feelings about it every day. Understanding , IMHO, is the key. I tell myself that they are at an institutional belief level that I no longer can share. Some times I think about going back just to be able to see and talk (more openly) to loved ones. However, I just could not stomach it.

Would you be angry or hurt at a person because they were wearing poorer looking clothes than yours? Then why be angry or hurt if they exhibit poor mental habits?

(((((((((((((((((((( big group hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My heart truly breaks for us all. But we have each other,,,,,,,, and that is alot.

Mega I have come to the conclusion also, that I may never see my dad alive again. I may not get to say goodbye to him . I may never get to tell him all the things I want to. I may never know if he knew how much I loved him. I will never know if he still loves me , somewhere deep in his heart.

See Eleswhere,,,,,,,,,,,,, even if we are brave and say it doesnt bother us that much........ it really does, always will, and we might even shed a few tears on these rainy days like today.

"Is it raining at your house",,,,,,,, Vern Gosdin............. I think listening to this doesnt help ..lol...... good ole crying song..............

But hey,,,,,,,,,,,, at least we feel, we are not JW robots,,,,,,,,,,we accept the tears , the loss , and I think that makes us better people for it. Darn wish it didnt hurt so bad  thou.........Dede

Make a personal resolve and do the things that you enjoy doing or wanted to do when you were a witness. You've done your part in being a caring and understanding person.

When making all golf shots, you must be committed to the execution, otherwise, you will fall short of your intended purpose.

Guest 77

Well, I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your JW family before you left the organization.    In my case, my JW brother has told me that he misses me terribly.    I know my mother does also.    But it still leaves me in the same place as you. 

Perhaps your family is anguished over you leaving the JWs and the fact they feel they have to be loyal to Jehovah and shun you.   I shunned people, including friends and family, when I was a good little Dub.    I hated doing it and it pained me, but I thought it was the right thing to do.   Maybe your family feels the same way?

It may feel like you're fogotten when you're really not.  

 

If I disappear into my own life without them... I will be foregotten.  Just like the uncle I never knew I had.

In my mind he is just an abstract thought... someone out there... Not a "real" person.

As the next generation is born they will not be told about me, just as I was not told about my uncle.

Sometimes I think I would like to hang myself in my parent's garage while they are at one of their meetings.  I would want them to find me right after being at the Kingdom Hall.  But even then, in their minds, they will have still "won"... they will just think, "This is good... now I know he will be resurected in paradise.".