The advice given to me was to take a year off.... sit back and reflect.. take time for myself.

That is what I have done. I have tried not to make any major life changes, other than d/a myself of course. I have tried to keep things as simple as possible and I am trying to stop and smell the roses a bit.

I would pass that advice down to someone just getting out. Even studying too much can be overwhelming , trying to find out all the answers at once. It takes a long time to just find your true self after leaving the borg. So I halted alot of my soul searching , I have talked alot about my feelings on this board, but as far as any indept study of religious material , I havent tackled that yet.

I had to realize that I am like a baby all over again, learning how to walk, baby steps all over again, in everything in my life.

I look at Jw's and ExJw's as alcholics and recovering alcholics. You can be ruined by addiction. You can be ruined by religion.

 

For me in my family I had to take control of my life. (After all I am responsibile for it.) That meant a choice between constant gossip and backbiting, or standing up to it, and calling a lie a lie. I have never met so many people so ready to accept a lie. And I cut ties with prejudice.

 I have met some people who have no idea what "Unconditional love is." What can you say; Everything about me, and how I live is foriegn to them.

So I just give them a hug. I tell them that they are free to make choices. Then I ask 2 questions. "What do you need." and "How can I help you?" Thats all. With that many people are able to help themselves, free themselves, and begin to learn who they are.

 

I don't know how to balance a group like the Jw's if you will not submit. Yes, you can slip by, hide or pretend to be someone, or something your not. But I can't. I AM who I AM. I have no desire to be someone or something else. I love where I am in life and love what I do. I wish the same for everyone. And I hope you accept that you can have it all in life; So long as it is for your life. Try to change a JW? Instead I recomend going to a park and try to convert a tree. At least it has use for your breath.

Black Propaganda...Well, East Germany fell like a heart attack. Such is the fate of all organizations built on fear and propaganda. Where and when we don't know.

What would I say? I just did. Welcome all newbie's

Hey, Kenpo.  Good morning young man 

Of course I wanted to check in before beginning my day of just living life...and it was good finding this particular thread.  I've read some good sound suggestions already.  "blow job under the christmas tree..."  OMG.  That's too funny

Just adding my two cents I'd like to say that just because we've left a mind numbing existence that judges everyone and everything as "bad association" doesn't mean there isn't much to be on guard against.  On the same note though, learning discernment (sounds so JW doesn't it) comes with experience...experience gained when we become an active participant in our own life rather then playing by the script written for us.  And that adventure can take us down many roads we are not perpared for mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

I could identify with the person writing about recovering addicts in general.  That is my story and the true beginning of recovery from religious abuse.  What I had to accept was that some are sicker then others.  Nothing negative in that statement by any means.  Speaking from personal experience only, I was one of the worst,or so it seemed looking back.  I was totally unprepared for living life in the real grown up world.  And my experience was that of taking the road of sex, drugs, alcohol...all the taboo issues from my JW days. 

I'm grateful that I survived, and know without a doubt that my career was a saving grace long before I found recovery.  It was the means by which I could see some real self-worth, something so foreign to the majority of JW's.

I learned it was ok to take risk.  That the world would not fall a part, and I wasn't damned for getting involved in a number of "apostate" activities.  Actually it allowed to me begin seeing the world for what it is...as diverse as each individual.  Guess I would caution to take things a little slow at first.  Get the feel for just being mentally unchained...the rest will follow.  I just don't believe any god is gonna come smite our arse...although we soon learn about self responsibility. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again;  the symptoms that many suffer from as a result of our JW intanglement is no different than that of being raised around all types of human dysfunction.  There are many people who can identify with our feelings - they are not all 'victims' of religious abuse by any stretch of the imagination.  

Be gentle with yourself...read, read, read.  Listen, listen, listen to how others have journeyed before and come out survivers.  Do your best to NOT take things personally.  Whew!  That was a biggy for me to overcome.  And still at times, it ain't so good...just better then it used to be.

You previous posters have mentioned so many positive things.  It can seem overwhelming at times.  Just being aware of who you are, where you'de like to be, can do wonders.  Life has a way of bringing to us what is needed at the time.  Boy, I've had so many great experiences that came from some very unexpected sources, but was, shall I say, "food at the proper time."  It kept me from going back into the depths of despair where suicide was not an uncommon thought.  But what the hell, eh.  I'm just too nosey about what might be around the corner - and there is always someone out there having a much worse day then me.  (Self-pity) is a very negative state of mind; how well I know!  But that, like many other unbalanced emotions, and we have plenty of them when first finding recovery, can be overcome.  Gratitude...cannot stress that enough.  Ok, getting long winded here...

We share our experience, strength, and hope.  That's all we can do.  Oh, and offer a sincere heartfelt welcome to those brave souls that are searching.  Never give up!  That's my only advice.

Love ya'll

granny

 

Very useful well, written advise which can be used in any walk of life.

I know a JW who I believe is doing the fade (not attending meetings, services). Her life is busy with her children's school sports and activities (real hard-core JW's would not be letting their children associate with the worldly folks).

How can you safely "fade" in a community where you are bound to run into members of your ex-cong at any time? I would imagine you would have to be more careful, on your guard as far as what would you say if you ran into cong members and they started asking you where have you been?

If I were a JW I would definitely choose the "fading" method and ease on out and into living as Kenpo mentioned.

Yeah! That's certainly how I would handle it. I would make sure any ex-cong members would see I am doing fine w/o the WT.

And more power to my friend!