Someone just recently told me his opinion on friendship. And now I am wondering what your thoughts are.

What defines friendship?

What makes one valuable as a friend?

Hugs, Viv.

friendship = trust

 

Combining the comments from Blondie and Europe, I have created the following formula:

Friendship = Trust + Intimacy + Compassion

Hi Viv,

For me a friend is special.  But there are different types of friends.  I have some new acquaintances on here, and some that have emailed me.  I work every day with a group of people and they are acquaitances, as I don't know them outside of the office.  They are acquaintances right now.  As the relationship grows, there might be a point in time, where they become real friends.

I've never had lots of friends, and I believe that's because of the way I define a friend.  I believe a friend is almost like a fleshly brother or sister, only even better sometimes.  Someone who really knows you, how you feel about things, what makes you tick.  Someone who has the same belief system going and who will let you know if they think you are making a mistake in judgment, or will praise you when you do something good.  Someone who sees all your faults, but loves you the same.  And this has to go both ways.  One sided friendship doesn't work.  Sometimes a friend will make you angry, but this is because friends say it like it is, and that isn't always easy to accept.  Friendship is being there for the other person in good times and bad.

My husband is my very best friend.  I also have two girlfriends from gradeschool, whom I keep in touch with regularly.  My sibblings are my friends.

Friends are a blessing indeed.

Sentinel/Karen

A true friend (my example) - someone who, because of being " of the world" and you being part of the wts, you don't talk to for 10 years...time goes by - you escape the "borg"...you make contact with friend from the past and he says "no apologies necessary, let's talk Sunday".  Hey that's today and IMHO that's what friendship is all about!

I couldn't help recalling Queen's famous song (Friends will be Friends). And in the case of the JWs, it should be added: unless you're kicked out.

Only after I left the JWs I realized that those calling themselves "my friends and brothers" were not such. A friend doesn't shun you because you changed your mind on some issues.

Bah. F**ck them all.

Patanegra

Amen to that!

Karen, I loved your answer.

Edited by - Vivamus on 23 September 2002 5:4:31

some awesome summaries on this thread.

Since leaving the dubs
i've had my hands full
on the friendship front.

My biggest problem

is that I don't want to be as judgemental or
harsh to people
as the dubs were with me
when we differed...

so when people approach me
for friendship
i find it difficult to tell them
no.

i didn't trust my own
judgement for a while
so i found myself telling everybody
no.  (big stay away sign around my neck)
even though i knew there were a couple of
great friendship opportunities
i could be missing out on....
just wasn't ready.

the think with me and friendship is
i really want balance.

i want friendships that are healthy
for both sides.

that are spawned by a
mutual desire for friendship,
rather than for impure motives.

i don't want people in my life
that are leeches, bloodsuckers,
clinging to me & draining me of my
energies without replenishing me
in return.

nor do I want to be that
kind of friend.

i want friendships
that give + receive
communication, trust, love.

if i want these
i have to build them
and be on the lookout
for them.

and i am finding that totally do-able.

my #1 friendship problem
was initially "reading" peoples INTENT.
I try really hard not to jump to negative conclusions too fast,
but i'm finding it rare that people really have *friendship*
as their motive when they seek to forge an *alliance* with me.

when friendship isn't their real motive,
it quickly becomes apparant.

much of the time
the motive is
sex or politics or religion or $.

this frustrated me at first
but I'm learning not to judge people for it,
but rather to feel compassion for them
for not understanding how much better
friendship for the sheer sake of friendship is.

i guess a person just needs to look at
what it is they are looking for in a friendship
and also what they are willing to give.
then communicate that intent to those around them
that come looking for *alliances*.

I've learned that i have to care for myself
before i can have a good quality friendship,
because having a friend
requires being one.

i have a wonderful friend, "S"
who sets a fantastic example for me
in how to be an awesome friend.

she does the tiniest little things
out of the blue
as gestures of friendship
and shares her time and her intellect
and gradually her heart.

what sets her friendship
apart from the rest is
how patient she has been
with my distrust.
how PURE her motives have proven to be over time.
how supportive she is, and how she leaves me be when i need space.

she is an ideal friend
if ever there was one
(and yes i make sure she knows dat)
she unintentionally reminds me often
of what friendship seems to be built upon...sharing the life experience thing.

you can SHARE a little
and over time
it really amounts to a lot!

i have another good friend "P", who really has a knack
for forging trust.  he inspires trust by not jumping to judgement
and by being real.

friendship = alliance.

quality of said alliance
and length or term of that friendship is
directly related to things like
compatibility of INTENT, disclosure,
communication, trust and balance of effort.

sometimes i encounter difficulty
rejecting an alliance which
appears to offer an intent
not compatible with mine at the time.

friendships change over time.

oh, and a good friend is concise.  hehe (i need work)

SPAZ