Dear All
I'm a new chap here, one of the old H2O refugees who seem to have been streaming to this place recently.
Englishman suggested I post my "Christmas Shopping" post as a kind of introductory-Hi-and-how-are-you. Hope you like it, despite it not being terribly seasonal at the moment.
I'll look forward to posting here in the future (original stuff I mean, not just reheated "greatest hits" like this)
Duncan.
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CHRISTMAS SHOPPING (17/12/00)
This weekend was Christmas Shopping for myself and Mrs Duncan. We spent the day in crowded shops, fighting our way through the press of bodies, securing this years must-have toys and gadgets for our kids.
At one point, we split up, I needed to go to the cash machine to get some money. I walked to the end of the street where the bank was. Of course, the week before Christmas, there was a big long queue. My heart sank, but I settled down for a longish wait.
The line moved slowly. Step by step I got closer. At last, I was only second-in-line. But the chap in front seemed to be having some trouble.
“Oh bugger!”
“What is it, mate?” I said.
“I think the machine has run out of cash”
Typical! Still, not unexpected this time of year, I suppose.
Behind me a voice called out “Hey, what’s the hold up?”
“No money!” said the chap in front.
“What?”
“ NO MONEY!” he shouted back.
This caused a stir.
“You hear that? There’s no money! NO MONEY!”
People started pushing and shoving. A fight broke out. People were shouting.
“There’s NO MONEY!! Our cards are worthless! The system has collapsed! It’s ALL OVER!”
There were now people fighting and rolling around in the street. Blood everywhere.
Next thing I knew there was a tremendous sound of smashing glass, as two people came through a shop window, gouging and biting at each other. A car went out of control and ploughed into a group of people who had also stated fighting. Everywhere people were screaming that their money was worthless.
A woman appeared at an upstairs window and started throwing her gold and silver into the streets.
The sky suddenly filled with lightning, and the buildings all around seemed to simultaneously burst into flames. More vehicles in the street went out of control, and then suddenly a great fissure opened in the ground and people and children and dogs and ladies on bicycles and 50’s –style American cars started falling into it.
I noticed that some people near me fell to the ground as their eyes started rotting in their sockets, I could just about hear what they were saying, it was truly pitiful, their anguish:
“Why , oh, WHY didn’t we listen to Jehovah’s Witnesses when they called? We were too proud and wicked!”
Another chap further down the street was calling out. He has a serious head wound from some sharp implement – and he also had the eye-rotting thing. His teeth, though, looked fine. I could see he was gnashing them, so it was a bit difficult to make out what he was saying, but it sounded like:
“ I was too stiff-necked to listen to the message! I always knew Christmas was a Babylonish false religious festival, but I allowed my wickedness to blind me to the truth! Oh, for a Watchtower!”
This astonishing scene of devastation was playing itself out in front of me, and I had just about counted a thousand at my left hand and ten thousand at my right hand who had perished, when all of a sudden, the fellow who had been at the front of the queue said:
“Oh, no - wait a minute! I was keying in the wrong PIN number. It’s perfectly okay, after all!”
The skies cleared and the fighting died down. People’s eyes seemed to clear up and various groups of folk were standing up and brushing each other’s clothing off. People were smiling and wishing each other Merry Christmas.
The line reformed and we stood around watching the arrival of the emergency services moving in to deal with the casualties.
I got my cash and rejoined my wife, and we went to the carol service at our local church.