The children

There are many things that could be changed, and even though I would never go back, I think there are some very basic changes they could make in their child rearing practices, simple changes that would make a big difference in their society.

1. Don't force small children to sit for two hours in a chair.

This was discussed at length on the thread about slapping children at the Kingdom Hall.

2. Don't bring children to meetings where the subject has to do with adult sexual practices.

3. Don't tell teenagers that they can't ask someone out for a date unless marriage is on their mind.

4. Don't tell them that they are not special, that they have to humble themselves and be like everyone else.

5. Don't tell them they have to get good grades through high school as a reflection of what Jehovah has given them and then tell them they can't go to college when they graduate from high school at the top of their class.

6. Don't tell your wordly neighbors that you give your children presents all through the year, but not on their birthday, when they have never seen a special gift wrapped present in their life.

7. Don't expect a shy child to enjoy going from door to door and don't expect an extroverted, lively child to sit still at meetings.

8. Don't tell an inquiring child not to ask questions and don't tell them not to read interesting books.

9. Don't surprised if you don't change your ways that your children will leave you, even though they love you.

My dear friends,

I had to get this off my chest. The way the poor children are treated is simply awful. Everything they do lowers a child's feeling of uniqueness and importance. My own children never went through that, and although they could have done more than I had hoped, they are still warm, loving, good human beings, with no "inculcation" no week after week of programing, they grew up like flowers in a garden, and I am happy to know them as my children and as my friends. Thank God for minor miracles.

Great post Larc, I couldn't agree more

Great post...this is something I've thougt a lot about. My father left the org about three years ago and since then apologized for his actions as a father in restricting us from most of the normal activities of a youth. I told him that it wasn't his fault, but the fault of those that programmed him to act in the way he did. This subject is the very reason why I try and help those in cults specifically the witnesses. It breaks my heart to see young ones that can't smile because nothing in their life is worth smiling over. I would almost dare to say that at least 75% of witness teens have suicidal thoughts and tendencies. It's very sad.

Dear Bro.Larc,

These questions beg for answers from the GB. They are responsible for the critical condition of Jw youth.

They just proceed on with their proclomations, rules, and policies...ignoring the true state of affairs regarding the youth. For a religion that touts itself as the only one 'with love among themselves'....they fall off the charts as to scoring highly in this arena.

Do they offer activities for the youth (other than 5 boring meetings a week), do they encourage the youth to associate with one another? Thus sayeth the GB(parties, dancing, music all suspect) 'all that is
required is more hours spent in 'field service'. Bah Humbug, yes indeedy that is what every teenager just idolizes...a day out selling magazines that they know, nobody ever reads. Not to mention the pure humiliation of being observed by their peers doing so. What a CROCK.

You got out in time larc, you may well have saved your children untold misery and depression. I wish that my own daughter's could have been extracted from the religion, in time to save them from all the anxiety, guilt and refuse they now are obliged to carry....

The WTBS deserves no quarter on this issue. They have ruined so many young lives it is pathetic.

Great post brother...I suppose we will see follow up articles soon in the LeanTower and Asleep?

DannyBear

Lets add one more to your list, larc:

10. Don't frighten children with crazy demon stories! Children need to feel secure at home and in their religious community. Goofy tales about demons in used stuff or in Smuft dolls only adds to their insecurities. The Society talks about the potential harm of Halloween and the like, but the so-called worldly kids usually know the difference between make believe and fun. Compare this to the harm of thinking real demons are lurking in Smuft dolls or used items picked up at garage sales.

---JAVA, counting time at the Coffee Shop

Edited by - JAVA on 26 February 2001 8:17:25

I second the comments by Java.

As a child my mother claimed to be plagued by demons from time to time. I was warned to be on my guard as they would come into my room and try to harm me. My parents told me to pray to Jehovah and if I had been good he would help me. I could never be totally sure I had been good as I was repeatedly told that I would never be good enough.

Naturally I laid in bed in fear, too frightened to get up and go to the bathroom which was all the way downstairs and as a result, would sometimes wet the bed. This made me a bad and filthy boy, which meant I could expect no help when the demons came to get me. To make up for this I was given a sturdy walking stick that I kept in the bed with me to fight off the demons. Later my parents decided the stick was demonised and threw it out along with the several other contaminated items.

I spent many night laying awake asking Jehovah to forgive me for whatever I was supposed to have done wrong. Every shadow and noise could be a demon. Fortunately the demons never came so I must have been good enough for Jehovah to protect me after all. I was so grateful that I became a regular pioneer 6 weeks after I was 15. I was most concerned that other people could benefit from the same protection I had received.

The next hurdle to overcome was making sure I pleased my protector, Jehovah, enough to persuade him not to kill me. The funny thing is that after I left the Witnesses, the demons lost interest in me. They probably know I will now to be killed off by Jehovah so they are busy terrorising other Witness children. I keep a baseball bat by the bed just in case they get a day off and call by for old times sake. Ah but is the bat demonised? Still the devil will call his boys off if I ask him, now we are in league with each other

What other children had such an exciting childhood? Why on earth would I want to have been brought up differently and miss out on such an adventure? Of course Witnesses make the best parents - what is wrong with you all!

Trevor

wow, you guys. This thread is deep....

Trevor, sorry about those experiences. They were unnecessary!

Java, that's a great point you made, friend.

Larc,
I love the post thanks I have so many comments on this topic I could go on for 4 pages! But then you would all be bored. One thing I can say is that I treat my children very differently. I am happy to say that I have had many people comment on how open and honest my kids are. They are little free thinkers and I try to encourage that. Sometimes I get stumped by them and I just love it!
DLJ,
I have told you on another thread you don't get the point. There were several people that commented before you on this subject, and several after you. Everyone agreeing and sharing personal experiences, some very painful. I for one wouldn't pop my head into a subject I had drastically different views or experiences and basically trample everyone feelings and say,"Heck you guys what are you talking about?LIFE IS GREAT! Because then you sound like a one man marching band for the....wait a second...Why are you here?
wendy

Waiting,

I am sure that parents in all religions and all cultures vary widely as to their effectiveness. I was not referring to the individual cases of really bad parenting among the wintesses or elsewhere, or to the percent difference in bad parenting for them as compared to other groups. I was referring in my list to either organizational sanctions and/or congregation norms and values that have the adverse impact that have been described so frequently in this discussion forum. I know there are very good parents who have made exceptions to the strict parameters of the witness culture. When they did, e.g., promote college for their children, they were criticized. Resisting social pressure is not easy even when the official policy has changed, but the local norms have not. For a recent example of this, read Lurker's bio. under "hello, hello," and how he cried himself to sleep after being sanctioned for going to college. (I believe that you stated that you faced criticism yourself when your son went to college) There are also parents at the other extreme who use the Societies sanctions to grind their children down with an autocratic implementation of the rules. In between are the average parents who love their children, but impliment the Societies really bad rules. I do believe, however, that if the Society took steps to make the relatively easy eight changes in their methods of their treatment of children and adolesents that I desscribed, that the average parenting techniques among the Witnesses would improve as well, and the average JW child would grow up to be a lot healtier.