I have had a week to reflect on my life and was thinking about what I have seen, what I am going through, and where I am going. I know many of you here experience unbelievable pain, suffering, anger, depression, and disbelief. I have lived with these myself. I know many of us also have happiness, joy, and a sense of freedom which is hard to put into words. I live this today. My deepest sorrow extends to a very close loved one whom I see struggling to find self worth, a positive self image, and a guilt only religion (Watchtower) can inflict.

It makes me think of the days I wanted to be an elder. I was an idealist who wanted to use my pained experiences to help those that underwent the sadness I see my loved one going through now. As an elder I wanted to take on my congregation members pain so they would not have to suffer anymore. A kind word, an encouraging scripture, a compassionate glance into their heartbroken eyes. I wanted to be Jehovah's instrument for helping those of his sheep that were truly in pain with broken spirits and guilt ridden hearts.

What I have seen the Watchtower turn elders, overseers, and the governing body themselves into are cold shells of human beings that care not for their flock. It is about position, rank, power, money, and ego. It is for this reason it has made me ashamed of what they have become, and what I wanted to aspire to. So what happens now? How do we pick up the pieces and go on? Where do we go from here? The answers are different for each one of us. We all have a calling in our deepest part of our souls, it calls out to us when we actually listen for it. My place in the scheme of things at 27 years of age is not carved in stone as of yet. What i do know I will share and maybe it will help some and maybe it's just interesting reading for others.

With much of my life ahead of me I ask myself: Should I act on the vengenge I feel in my heart and expose the Watchtower for the liars they really are? Do I want to take precious quality time away from my own family to pursue what I feel is justice for those who have been intentionally wronged? Should I turn my back, count my losses or in my case gains, and ignore the Watchtower? Can I do all of the above? I believe my name is Justin for a reason as it is derived from the Latin meaning for "just, virtuous, upright, true, justice". I have always had this sense of justice my whole life, and it has gotten stronger as I have grown older.

I have much anger to let go of and originally I wanted my constructive anger to be pointed at the Society to seek Justice for what has been transgressed against the Pandelo name. As I think clearer now I feel I should leave it behind and dedicate my life into my family. To bring a child into this world someday without the thought of this horrible nightmare my family and I have lived. My sisters Cori and Jenna, and my brother Brett and myself are the new generation of Pandelos'. I want our generation to wipe the slate clean and bring the future generation a deep sense of family happiness and oneness with their Creator without the guilt of an organized religion crippling their future.

When thinking about my children's future and their children's future I realize that now is the time for the decision of what to do with my family's Jehovah's Witness past. I think for the good of my family I will let it go. I don't want this anger anymore. I don't want the 12 years of insomnia anymore. I don't want to take time away from those who I love anymore. Besides the Watchtower will fall on its own without my help. We will see it in our lifetime. The signs are here. The news media will undoubtedly have a negative effect on the WT. I say continue to expose what needs to be exposed. But the media will not secure the end of the WT. They will without a doubt destroy themselves, on their own.

Their policies are both hypocritical and contradictory. Below is just a tip of the iceberg:

United Nations Cover-up

http://www.globalpolicy.org/ngos/ngo-un/rest-un/2001/1030j.htm

Blood Cover-up

http://www.ajwrb.org/basics/abandon.shtml

Financial Cover-up

http://www.watchtowernews.org/france.htm

http://pages.globetrotter.net/mleblank/org/wtbts19981997.html

Sexual Abuse Cover-up

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=27801&site=3

The above "conspiracies" within the Org. are just the beginning. We still have the long awaited Armageddon to go. The 70-80 yrs is basically up. Now what? Undoubtedly new light. There is a pattern here however, and the weak minded who continue to follow after they have been exposed to WT being caught with their pants down so many times will either wake up or die out. There is no future in a lie that is called the truth and hence we have the dissolving of the WT. This is of course if the government doesn't beat them to it.

Regardless, I can rant and rave until the end of the WT and waste half my life on something that will not reward me in the end, or I can start investing my time in my family now and reap the benefits of a truly rewarding life in what Frank Sinatra calls the "Golden warm September of my Years".

Let me close by saying this is my decision, and those who battle for justice and good will always have a friend in me. I applaud the work you do and a piece of me lives through you. I just want to make up for all those lost years of family time now before they are gone. If I throw away those years on a battle against the WT instead of tending to my family, the WT would truly have robbed me from my entire life. My love and compassion extend to all of those on this forum who have been wounded and left for dead by the WT. May your minds and spirits be strong, and the loves that still surround you help you appreciate what a beautiful life you have to look forward to. May Jehovah bless and watch over you all tonight.

Love,

Justin

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. - Michael Corleone in The Godfather III.

Love & best wishes to all who support Bill, Barbara, and my parents.

Best Regards,

Justin

You said it best by stating taking care of your family. If that's what you need to do, that's the first priority to attend to.

Every effort against tyranny is considered a valuable effort. You saw something unjust and stood up against it. That path alone, very few find. Very few take.

You stated it yourself:

And the questioned to be asked: "Did I follow that path?"

You could of ended up at the end of that road, but you didn't. I don't see shame in your decisions, since the end result came out for the greater good. You could of ended up tangled in the mire of being a "cold shell of a human being". You didn't follow the path of the corrupt visions of the WTBTS. You listened to your heart and chose the harder path. To be yourself, to stand up against tyranny, and to do what is right.

Justice sometimes comes in forms of tiny cracks in a foundation. A voice against the unjust here, a stand against injustice there. Many voices added together, soon form a collective of cracks, that bring the whole thing down. The cracks you contributed go to the core of the corrupt.

Now is the time to start healing and picking up the pieces, tend to your family needs. There's still plenty to do, and plenty of us to do it. Embrace the freedom you've earned, for you and your family.

Wish you and your family, only the best in the journey to come.

D8TA

First of all a big hello to everyone who uses this board, I've been reading it for ages and Justins post has stimulated me to respond....Here's a thought for you Justin - and this applies equally to all of you ex witnesses,
Were you personally responsible for bringing anyone into the "The Lie" If you were - or even if you were only partially responsible, don't you think that you have an obligation to help these people out again? You were deceived and you in turn deceived others, don't you owe them something......
Think about this,... if every one of you made a serious effort to contact the people you encouraged into the organization, if you shared with them your new found wisdom, if you could reveal to them the lie that you passed on as the truth ... think what a tremendous impact your efforts might have.
The cracks are getting longer every day...

Looking forward to a long and fruitfull association with you all.
Peter from canada

The new boy again.
Please note at the top of this page the flashing note re: "Shunned Father needs your help" Read his latest post, please all of you and send this guy a few bucks. He - and more importantly, his daughter - are genuinely in need of our help. The bloody Org has cost enough lives as it is, lets at least try to save this one!!
Peter from canada.

Ps. Hope you all watched that most fantastic hockey game in history, you know the one ... Canada Vs. the USA for the Olympic Gold....just refresh my memory. Who was it won that one??

Nice post with much food for thought. I couldn't agree more.

Path

Best wishes Justin.

Hi Justin,

The one main practice that causes so much pain that is rather unique for the JWs is disfellowshipping. Many other religions have somewhat simmilar desires to control your lives by some inspired book, but the practice of isolating your family is so evil and hurtful.

I think religious organizations waste so much of peoples time and money. Have you noticed when driving around how many church buildings there are and the money this must have cost the poor people attending? I prefer to let God just be a personal feeling of our imagination, since so far that's all the evidence we have. I agree that our family is the best place to spend our love and time. It gives real meaning to our lives along with our friends and other fellow humans(not just a small select group in an organization).

I don't spend my time trying to destroy religion, but I don't mind pointing out a few of the fallacies as the opportunity comes along.

I hope you enjoy your life with your family and friends as much as I do in my few remaining years.

Ken P.

Do you want dierection in your life? Do you want to get back on your weary feet? Do you want to stand tall among other americans? Join the military!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Justin: Good post. I generally agree with your views, and especially appreciate that at age 27 you have the liberty to change course and use your life to better purposes then serving the Watchtower, or fighting the Watchtower. That said, I offer some other views that may shows more colors to this rainbow:

JW Elders have not all become hard-hearted clones. I do believe that since Ray Franz was DF'd in 1981, that there has been a steady 'brain-drain' of good men and women from the organization ... such that the cold-stone types have grown up to replace those who were not that way. We at least see greater evidence today that the men who serve as Elders are more and more mechanical robots. Yet, in spite of this, some try to do good, and it will only be a matter of time until they are forced to leave the religion. Notwithstanding, after my 25 years with the organization, I could never again serve people in that environment.

As for the ultimate destination of the organization, I agree with you that it will likely die of its own dead weight, and any media coverage will only have a marginal effect. I think that if the Watchtower Society does last another 50 or 100 years, it will have been forced to evolve into a kinder, more moderate religion, similar to what happened to the Catholic Church. Except for the ritualistic styles, the Watchtower Society in many ways is an almost carbon copy of all the negatives of the Catholic Church, and few of the positives.

I agree with you that how you spend your life should have its priorities centered on your family - primarily wife and children. However, aside from some whose goal is to bring justice against the Watchtower, there is another reason and purpose for beings involved as ex-JWs ... that is, to be there for many who are leaving the organization, and looking for an initial frame of reference before moving on to something else in their lives ... some do this faster than others, and some who have been greatly injured as JWs may need more time to heal ...

So there are many ex-JWs who have chosen to help all they can ... and in this way, our time is not wasted as though the Watchtower is still in some fashion controlling our lives ... but no, there is a certain satisfaction that an hour or two a day on line, or some lengthy email exchanges and phone calls are positive contributions to the healing of others who leave the JWs ... this is something that each of us have to decide if it works for us or not.

Were I in my mid-20s still, I would get away from anything JW or ex-JW related as fast as I could and never look back. At age 51 with my children all grown and moved out on their own, to live non-JW and normal lives, this involvement each day on the Internet has its pluses. I have had 100 times the positive experiences as an ex-JWs than I ever had as a JW ...

In helping others, I find too that I have been helped in ways that I could not imagine ... there are obvious things that others say that help ... and there are subtle and humorous things ... such as the way Farkel or Englishman use their very different but powerful styles of humor to highlight some idiotic Watchtower belief ... I find I learn something, and gain another mile of liberty that I did not know needed to be traveled.

So, while you are moving on with your life ... I hope you will stay a while with us, and enjoy many supprises that will benefit you, and the satisfaction of helping others as you are already doing by telling your story.

Well done, an excellent thread!

Beans