Had suicidal ideation since I was thirteen, a few attempts and hospitalizations between then and now, been through a litany of different medications and therapies and it's only since I left the witnesses that things have really started to improve.
My situation's a little different in that it turns out I have a form of bipolar disorder, so I'll often "recover" spectacularly from a long and ruthless depressive phase and be fine for several months only to slide back into another living hell all over again.
I find the constantly negative witness mindset of living a deferred life ("this system is passing away" blah blah blah) plus the constant guilt (always needing to "reach out", God hates masturbation, you can't get married until you're "spiritually mature") completely f*cked with my head. Now that I no longer have those constraints I'm learning to shape my thinking patterns positively. The medication plays a large role right now but I'm finding that there are skills that I can put to use that will save me from going into a tailspin when I notice the black thoughts creeping in.
My situation's a little different in that it turns out I have a form of bipolar disorder, so I'll often "recover" spectacularly from a long and ruthless depressive phase and be fine for several months only to slide back into another living hell all over again.
I find the constantly negative witness mindset of living a deferred life ("this system is passing away" blah blah blah) plus the constant guilt (always needing to "reach out", God hates masturbation, you can't get married until you're "spiritually mature") completely f*cked with my head. Now that I no longer have those constraints I'm learning to shape my thinking patterns positively. The medication plays a large role right now but I'm finding that there are skills that I can put to use that will save me from going into a tailspin when I notice the black thoughts creeping in.