Ashi.

Who does the anger hurt? Does it hurt them or you? Anger is a feeling that comes when finding out how one has been grossly lied to and being hurt and having your family hurt by the lies. So we go thru the anger and get to a place of sadness and finally to a place of letting it go. We have to because - Who does anger hurt? Does it hurt you or them?

JJ

Anger was the only emotion I had for a long time that helped me survive I think. If it weren't for the anger, my own lack of self-esteem, depression & self-worthlessness would have taken over and I would no doubt be a suicide statistic.

What helped me get over it? To be honest, still in "recovery", so web sights like this have had a positive influence. The love of my hubby, who although cannot begin to comprehend my life, encourages me to seek whatever avenues I need to help myself.

Research & realizing I've lived in a "cult", that the basis of this religion was false helped. I realized I now have a "blank" page as far as my spirituality goes, whatever I do to fill that now is between me and God - and no other man. Whatever religions I "dabble" in will be to seek my relationship with God and study him - not a man made organization.

Knowing life is now "unpredetermined" has opened so many closed doors, I actually relish alot of things I never had (i.e. finishing school, helping my children develop normaly, etc. etc.).

It was weird because I remember the day I finally let go. Yes I am still here participating on this DB...but I mean really let go of my anger. I called my parents and spoke to each of them individually. I had walked away from the org, and was not officially DF or reproved. But I was treated as I was. I told each of them I forgave them. And in my heart I did, it was not their fault that their mind was so twisted. My mother laughed at me, and said something to the affect of...well I don't need to be forgiven, I did nothing wrong.

My dad on the other hand, cried, and actually took the phone outside so we could talk privatly. He told me about his childhood, and things that happened to him, that I did not even know about. He explained why he was a jw, and also told me he did the best he could, and was only trying to do right by us kids. He then asked me for forgiveness after I had already given it to him. He told me there was alot of things wrong with the org, but he thought it was the best way to raise his family. I believed him, and my heart was so much lighter after this convo.

If they both had the same response, I think I would still have walked away okay. Because I had to start with me, I had to let go and not let it effect me any longer. If I didn't let go of the anger that day, I may have later on down the road. But I assure you it was the best day of my life

Joel,
I agree, I think that anywhere we are in life we have those that we stick close to, and those that may be a part of our life but are still at a distance. The friends I went to nursing school wiht, there was 23 that graduated I only speak on a regular basis to about 5 of them. Even though we all were a very close knit bunch when we had our crash study sessions. There are certain personalities we are attracted to, and usually those are the ones who stick by us through the years.
wendy

Blind faith can justify anything.~Richard Dawkins

It's been five years +, and I am still angry, but it comes and goes.

Time is the best healer. This board has helped, but sometimes I have to not read it for awhile because I read things that just stir it up again.

Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
"Those who know, don't say, and those who say, don't know."

Although inactive for over two years, I must admit it feels much better knowing my name is no longer on any book study list. It feels free and light to be excluded from assignments.

Now, if I happen to attend (less than three times in 18 months, each time over one hour late and Sunday only), I feel a sense of calm and relaxation. I do not have anyone infringing on my time or handing me assignments. I enjoy just sitting there quietly and sometimes listening and sometimes just relaxing, almost to sleep. And when the talks begin sounding like WTBS propaganda, I just get up and leave.

One or two say hello and we exchange a few greetings and the rest is history. I don't accept phone calls or sheperding calls or invitations. So I am well on my way to complete and total freedom.

I'm still so mad I could just spit.

I thought you might find this interesting regarding the emotions that we all go through when losing an important person/thing in our lives. I put "stages of grief" into a search engine and this was the first of 4,370 web matches that came up:

* http://www.aomc.org/HOD2/general/stress-THE-3.html

Just to give a list of the 5 basic steps during the grieving process:

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.

At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger.

The grieving person may then be furious: at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
(The problem here is that the "Society" is not sorry for anything inflicted upon us.)

3. Bargaining.

Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.

The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance.

This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

What finally made me give up on the anger (well, for the most part. LOL) was the thought that I had one day. In my mind I likened the hating of others to a person taking poison themselves and wondering why the person we hate doesn't die. I realised then that my anger was only hurting me, not them.

Seeing the kids happy and doing well makes up for any amount of adverse treatment we might get.

ISP

The one thing that helped me get past my anger was a book titled Change Your Conversations, Change Your Life"

I always thought talking about things would make things better. So, I talked to anyone who would listen and the more I talked, the more upset I would get. It was like it would bring everything back to the surface. The book talks about exactly that. If you talk about things that make you feel good, then you are going to feel good. If you continue to talk about the things that upset you, then you are going to continue to be just that...upset. The same would come into play in regards to our thoughts...think bad thoughts, feel bad.

Anyway, that is what worked for me. I am sure everyone handles things differently....just find something that works for you and stick with it. It if means getting out and making new friends, or going to school then just set your mind to do it.

Having this place to come to has been a good outlet also...just to know your not alone.

Michelle

Music. I started playing guitar when I was 12 and during the darkest times that is the only thing that kept me going. I think any hobby or aspiration that allows you to have a catharic experience can help keep your sanity.Writing and playing music was that for me and the Watchtower could not take it away.Now with all that was sacrificed to the WTS I at least have one thing that I excell at.