when I was fading and sinking and working just to keep wifey and 4 kids above where I was I often wonder why is it I didn't pull the plug on the kids oing to meets etc etc.
It's because they had me so brainwashed that paradise and the spirituality of all my kids was my responsibility that even when I let myself sink it was so they could make it and I had no alternative I could work out or imagine to replace my and their spiritiality with! The key is an alternative spirituality or atheism that you move on to believe yourself.
All those years I was cut off from any -even 1 of any friends I could make or any social life I could have withthsi idea in my head that I was sacrificing my situation to help theirs whilst struggling in my private life ground zero heart condition.
So when I finally divorced after 20 yrs I felt maybe for the first time I could start to link in some way with the rest of teh world but ex was keen for the kids to go her way and I was free for them to choose it because I believe in free choice - but they grew up with that shunn psychology or something of it that makes it easy to cut others out and the circle of JWs are so cunning with all their remarks and since not one of my 4 have ever got dipped they still get the affection showers which make it seem anything I say is magnified and exagerated! Anyhow non of them are in which is cool but the road has been one which pulled us all apart just like the JWs love to do!
You know evryone - I never needed much from anyone - just the single line of trust and love that showed me I had someone to stand shoulder to shoulder with me in this life on this planet - that's all. And their psychology theives that away from families all over!! Teaches them a different way! It sucks! And in your weakness it reveals a broken you that justifies their smarmy claims that you don't have this steely love in your heart that will stand by them as they twist all their reasonings around and around in others heads!
It is a shame that noone has been able to see in me and be part of what I am enough to build what could have been!!
And I know in having given it my all way past dead inside that many of you survivors have ended up in drydock in the same state of disrepair and anchoring after that same kind of loving, understanding soulful person I searched to find my whole life until way past dreaming! And looking at kids you'd have loved to bring to better times who've sailed a road to someplace else which feels so weak and dilluted!
Funny how and why become so irrelevant till nothing means anything!
Maybe some of you can see patterns in your souls which reflect other feelings?
That's all folks!