>
> *"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine
> I drink* *
> I feel shame** **Then I look into the glass
> and think* *
> about the workers in the vineyards and all of
> their hopes* *
> and dreams** . **If I didn't drink this wine,
> they might be out* *
> of work and their dreams would be shattered.*
> * Then I say* *to myself, "It is better that I
> drink this wine and
> let their
> dreams come true than be selfish and worry about
> my liver."* */
> ~ Jack Handy/*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave
> you wondering what the
> hell
> happened to your bra and panties. *
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> *"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When
> they* *
> wake up in the morning, that's as good as
> they're* *
> going to feel all day. "* */
> ~ Frank Sinatra ~/*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create
> the illusion that
> you are tougher,
> smarter, faster and better looking than most
> people.
> *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> */
> "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
> up reading."/* */
> ~ Henny Youngman/* *~*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead
> you to think people
> are laughing WITH you. *
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> *"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
> Coincidence?* *I think
> not."* */
> ~ Stephen Wright/* *~*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause
> you to think you can
> sing. *
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> *
> "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get
> drunk,* *
> we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit
> no sin.* *
> When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So,
> let's all* *
> get drunk and go to heaven!"* */
> ~ Brian O'Rourke ~/*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause
> pregnancy. *
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> *"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us
> to be happy."* */
> ~ Benjamin Franklin/* ~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major
> factor in dancing
> like a retard. *
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> *
> "Without question, the greatest invention in
> the* *
> history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that
> the* *
> wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
> does* *
> not go nearly as well with pizza."* */
> ~ Dave Barry ~/*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause
> you to tell your
> friends over and over again that you love them.
> *
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> *
> To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support
> Group. Salvation in a
> can!* *
> ~**/ /**/Dave Howell ~/*
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
> think you can
> logically converse with members of the opposite
> sex without spitting.
> *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
> */
> And saving the best for last, as explained by
> Cliff Clavin,/* */of
> Cheers./**/ /*
> */One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was
> explaining the
> "/**/Buffalo/**/ Theory" to his buddy Norm./* */
> Here's how it went:/*
> *"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of
> buffalo* *can only
> move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when*
> *the herd is hunted,
> it is the slowest and weakest ones* *at the back
> that are killed
> first. This natural selection is* *good for the
> herd as a whole,
> because the general speed and health of the
> whole group keeps
> improving by the* *regular killing of the
> weakest members. In much
> the same way, the human brain can only operate
> as fast as the*
> *slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of
> alcohol, as we* *know,
> kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the
> slowest and weakest
> brain cells first. In this way, regular
> consumption of beer
> eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the
> brain a faster and
> more efficient machine. That's why you always
> feel smarter after a
> few beers**"*
>