still_in74	Re: How to make love & marriage work w/a JW
	He is a JW, him and his friends had always dated (almost always worldly girls) and hid it from thier parents and their congregation. I know that he always wanted me to convert and tried to get me to and he always will, but when we discuss religion (which is often) I am never swayed and he has gotten used to it. And as he explained it; life would be much easier for us if we were both JW and obviously he would want me to be one b/c of his beleif about paradise earth. So my concerns are; his religousness has made him incredibly small minded in certain ways and I am concerned about how that will affect our ability to raise kids. I am totally fine with them being raised as witnesses because he is an incredible person with strong values from his faith and I am not religous so I know that it is more important to him than me. BUT i do however want my kids to learn about other cultures, make friends with whoever they want, be allowed to date, and not ever be put in a position where they have to lie like he always has. The other issue is that from what I know (which is alot at this point) from him and the watchtower website they are pretty sexist. “My husband exercises his headship in a loving and kind way,” says Susan. “We usually discuss decisions, and when he decides what will or will not be done, I know it is for our benefit. Jehovah’s arrangement for Christian wives really makes me happy" is from the website and pretty much says it all. I am incredibly headstrong and dont give a damn what the bible says because I dont follow it, so I wont be following that model. Problem being: how do I get him to understand that Im not that kind of woman and dont want to be? I want to get him to realize that we need to be able to work together as equals and he needs to back down on that one? He understands my side but says "thats what the bible says so..." so my question is how do i get him to get over that and compermise? Hi and welcome to the board. as for your situation - my mother was a JW and my father was not. This caused some tension between my mother and her in-laws but she was very stubborn and controlling. Had she been a little more "flexible" with them it may not have been as difficult. As for my parents, they seemed to be alright although my father was pretty easy going. He also enjoyed the company of the JW's in the cong. and they all like him - so that helped. This division certainly caused more tension for my mother as she was always playing the "unbelieving husband" card and always trying to get him to convert. She eventually resented the fact he would not become a JW but then things settled down once us kids were all older. But certainly the home environment was not one I would want for my children - I did not like being around the house. As for your comments above - regarding kids sneaking around - some do/did but not all. Many of us (like myself) actually were pretty good in this area, although now I regret not having a bit more fun in my youth when I had an excuse for doing it! Regarding kids, i know many kids that were raised in similar households. They tend to take "the truth", or go the other direction but maintane many of their JW friends as they had never been baptized. This actually works well for them as they get the best of both worlds. This of course is for children that are confident in themselves and do not have self-esteem issues. If so, then they may struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I myself am fearful to have children as my wife is an active JW and I am still-in but no longer recognize the WTS as gods chosen channel. Regarding the org being sexist. Those articles are written by old men!Almost EVERYONE knows that that is not the real world. Husbands and wives typically find a system that works for them. Most husbands know that the "loving your wife as you love yourself" bit is where it really counts. Husbands that "dominate" their wives are usually the ones the most people dont like to be around. Often the wives are noticabley different from the rest. Those marriages tend to fail. Your husband actually sounds more open minded than you think. You should really get settled into your "religious" paths before bringing children into the mix - at least this way you both know where stand in that regard and it will be less frustrating for them. Certainly though - this type of childhood is frustrating - I know, I lived it. Best of luck Still..................
IP: V1XNH/vZzJ7xS4tQ	by still_in74: Correct formatting