20, 21....Oh the naivete' of those years. How I wish I could live them all over again with the knowledge I have now.
He is a JW, him and his friends had always dated (almost always worldly girls) and hid it from thier parents and their congregation. Thats how he said it always is, the kids just sort of sneek around and have a very good system too.
What a way to live......to subject yourself to being the little piece on the side hidden away from all the important people in his life he would call his "friends".....good enough to get his rocks off into occasionally, but, not quite good enough to be presented with any degree of respect to the more important people in his life.
I'm sorry to be so brusk, but, twenty years from now when you're thinking about what you've written and how this guy is treating you, you're going to kick yourself in the head.
This is the typical "sowing wild oats" game JW males play. They run around using all those "worldly girls" for sexual playthings under the cover of darkness, then when their finally serious, drop them like hot potatoes for that virtuous 17 or 18 year old JW girl whose eye they caught when they're making positional progress in the organization.
What a smooth operator this guy must be.....what did he tell you to convince you to lower your self-respect to such a degree that he can get to have his cake, eat it too, and claim the religious moral high ground that things would be so much better if you'd come around to his way of thinking JW style.
But thats not a big deal b/c he loves me regardless of my beleifs and we're very feisty so we actually have a pretty good time debating our differences.
Marry this guy, wait around till he decides he wants to go full-throttle into the JW lifestyle and watch these "pretty good times" disappear, as more pressure than ever will be applied to you to conform. That's a promise.
So my concerns are; his religousness has made him incredibly small minded in certain ways and I am concerned about how that will affect our ability to raise kids. I am totally fine with them being raised as witnesses because he is an incredible person with strong values from his faith and I am not religous so I know that it is more important to him than me. BUT i do however want my kids to learn about other cultures, make friends with whoever they want, be allowed to date, and not ever be put in a position where they have to lie like he always has. What can i expect from him, and how can I ease the tension?
Just this recognition on your part gives promise that there's hope for you yet.
Let's see......he says he's in love with you while at the same time ashamed to present you as an equal amongst his JW brethren....he's sneaking around with you, going against the counsel he knows of being unevenly yoked. If you've been intimate, he's having sex without the benefit of marriage legally or scripturally, and has been doing this for awhile now, even to the point of you yourself expounding on this great "system" he and his friends have in place of justifying his two-face-ness. This guys whole approach towards you reeks of a selfish person who's "systemized" lying and hypocritical activity to a fine art, justifying it any way he can, and hoodwinking others to follow along as long as it's of benefit to him.
[SARCASM ON]
I AM IN AWE OF THE STRONG VALUES HE'S SHOWING FROM HIS FAITH!!!!!!
[/SARCASM OFF]
If you want your kids to do all those things you say you do, then I'd suggest you worry not so much about what is important to him or yourself, especially in trying to overlook what you're seeing with your own eyes, and concentrate on what's important to them. Marry this guy and as he positions himself for upward mobility within the congregation and WT heirarchy, this tension you're already facing will only increase.
The other issue is that from what I know (which is alot at this point) from him and the watchtower website they are pretty sexist. “My husband exercises his headship in a loving and kind way,” says Susan. “We usually discuss decisions, and when he decides what will or will not be done, I know it is for our benefit. Jehovah’s arrangement for Christian wives really makes me happy" is from the website and pretty much says it all. I am incredibly headstrong and dont give a damn what
the bible says because I dont follow it, so I wont be following that model. Problem being: how do I get him to understand that Im not that kind of woman and dont want to be? I want to get him to realize that we need to be able to work together as equals and he needs to back down on that one? He understands my side but says "thats what the bible says so..." so my question is how do i get him to get over that and compermise?
You can see for yourself, even now, that he's trying to impose upon you without compromise his "my biblical authority" game. If you think it's going to get any easier after marriage, children, and his subsequent working for position within the WT, and you're as headstrong as you say you are, you're playing with fire and you're gonna get burnt.
But, you've already stated that you don't want to hear "run" or "get out while you can". So, I guess it's only a matter of time before you're back here with a tale of woe, willing to lend to a future generation the benefit of this particular experience.
,
now but that's better than being