Hi Joel, I've read your posts but this is the first time I have addressed one specifically. From a recovering low self-esteemer, here goes.

I don't want to sound like someone at the KH, but...

Application is the key.

What wisdom have you gleaned from therapy and your friends? Have they helped you see how to apply what you have learned in your daily life? Where do you want to be? What will get you there?

I know you feel isolated from your family, which is out of your control. But remember this, your friends are the family you choose not an accident of birth.

You are a wealthy person, Joel, if you have one good friend.

One of my favorite sayings, "Every journey begins with a single step."

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Hi Larc,

I love to take orders. That's about what it will take to get me to start thinking positively about myself.

The impetus for starting this thread was an email I got from my anthropology professor this morning.

I was very nervous because I was afraid I had screwed up my final last week and was afraid that I would make a bad grade in the class. I told her so when I handed in the test.

She emailed me today to tell me I made a 95 on the final and would be getting an A in the class.

The point is, I do this to myself about everything. I'm worn out and I drive the people around me batty with my constant need for reassurance that I'm not worthless.

How do you fill up a completely empty shell from scratch?

take care

Joel

Joel,

If you feel empty inside, start by filling yourself up with good thoughts about yourself. Stop looking for affirmations from others. That will never fullfil you. Affirm yourself. Those are your marching orders, private. Now, do twenty laps around the track.

Joelbear,I remember in one of your posts you mentioned you would like to take martial arts.Taking a class like this or doing anything that is positive will make you feel better.It will keep your mind busy and you will have less time for negative thoughts.You seem like a good person,go do somthing nice for yourself.It will pay off for you and those around you.NOW GO FUCKIN DO IT!{just jokin}

that's all me, too joelbear, selftalk, doe's help, i have anxiety also to deal with, selftalk, helps when you remember to do it. my two cents.

I have been in therapy in the past. They always prescribe drugs and I hate the drugs.

No, I have some bad habits that are negative that I need to break.

I orders one of the guy's books from tina's thread.

I agree that a lot of the battle is teaching oneself to think more positive thoughts or at the very least not thinking such intense negative ones.

thanks for all your thoughts

Joel

Joel,

If you are comfortable sharing this, what kicks off you're beating yourself black and blue? What action? What thought? You don't just get out of bed in the morning and say, "Ooooh, boy. Think I'll have some low self-esteem!" What precedes this?

A variety of things helped me after my breaking away from the Dubs.
And I learn new things constantly which propel me along the path to recovery and feeling happier. Still have some bad days. Not as many as before.

"The God that comes before skepticism may bear little resemblence to the God that comes after."

M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)

Joel,

I know that when I'm feeling my worst it is usually remembering something humiliating that I have put myself through. Don't try to make a method to destroy the thoughts. I write. Some people, like my wife, excercise. If you're severely depressed, I definitly don't suggest drinking alcohol, or any drug.

If your attached to somebody, then make love to them. That normally does it for me. I work myself to the bone pleasing my wife (dinner, flowers, poetry, and such) and her reaction usually brings me out of the rut.

If not, then just filling the empty spaces with a little art can help. I'm a movie buff, and that always gives me a lift when I feel the knife lurking near my chin.

I too refuse all pills. I don't want to be medicated into happiness.

And don't get bogged down in too much psychology-this is more detrimental than denial. If you analyze too much, you let everything negative just fester, instead of leaving it by the wayside. Just try to let yourself drift into another place.

Take it easy.

ashi

Ashy alias "Saucy Baby" said:
And don't get bogged down in too much psychology-this is more detrimental than denial. If you analyze too much, you let everything negative just fester.

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Couldn't agree more with the above statement. I think the human mind is deeply complex and complicated, but the reasons we "hurt" are not that difficult to understand. Mainly, I look for the *pattern* of my behavior that brings on the sadness, whether it's something I physically do or just in the way I think. Then I try to break that pattern and quit repeating it. Not always easy to do. It's a lot more therapeutic to go do something you enjoy or find rewarding than crack another book about your psychological condition. I'm not saying it's not helpful to have a good grasp of your own personal psychology, but once you do it's good to do things that feed your spirit and make you happy.

MegaDude (who after reading two large boxes full of self-help books and listening to hundreds of tapes on psychology and self-esteem now goes sailing, cooks, takes classes, works out, watches movies, and chatting with the great folks on this board.)

"The God that comes before skepticism may bear little resemblence to the God that comes after."

M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)