That is very true.  Every so often we get people saying the classic, "It's in the past, now it's up to you to take action, get over it..."

It is true we need to move forward and take responsibility for our future lives.  It is also true that having a great present/future life in no way makes up for the losses experienced in the past.

*nods* Yes, I think that these are unnecessary words also.  Once you've found a trustworthy person(s) to be witness to the pain of childhood (in whatever degree that was)  and they have the ability to suspend judgment while you go through the memories and tell your story -- having a listener -- I think *that* is one of the great catalysts for change -- to simply tell a person to "get over it" -- means nothing & does nothing for them.  The question of "ok, I was hurt -- so NOW what?" will present itself eventually.

Yah, it's the hardest part to get over,,,  it affects the rest of your life.  I keep finding out 'new' things that my parents denied me, that they didn't tell me about when I was a kid.  It's hard to 'get over it' and forgive, when I am faced with the effects at every turn in the road ...

t

 

I understand.  No matter what I'll never be a cheerleader or a star on the high school volleyball team like I wanted.  I'll never remember the magic of my "first date", or prom or other typical teenage/childhood things.  That magic of not really worrying about anything but homework, finals, and the cute boy in math class.  It is a loss I've had to grieve over for years now. 

But in that grief, I've also learned there are things that I can do with a childish perspective.  When I play sports, I do play with everything I have.  I cheer my team mates like a little girl screaming and yelling.  I've found my encouragement actually is infectious and before you know it, the whole team is playing like a bunch of kids.  It's rather funny.  Then we celebrate with a slushy at Sonic...just like when we were kids.  Granted, we are slower and have a few more aches and pains, but it's the attitude with which you play, not necessarily the young muscles.

Christmas is huge in our family.  Not so much the presents, but the getting together and playing games, tasting treats, licking the bowls, snuggling next to the fireplace and reading a story.  Drinking hot cocoa with huge marshmallows on top and dipping a cookie in it.  Family is what's important in our holidays.  I hope to pass that down to my children someday.

I think we can do what we've always wanted to do, it's just up to us how far we're going to take it.  When you meet an elderly person that has lived an amazing life, is it really WHAT that person has accomplished that makes him/her so attractive?  Or is it the attitude they lived their life with?  That ornery vibrant twinkle in their eye?  My great-grandmother is like that.  The woman is 97 years young...the orneriest, silliest, funniest person in my family.  She acts more like a kid than most of her great and great-great grandkids. 

Andi - hoping to be an ornery, vibrant, twinkle-eyed person for the next 65 years. 

I agree 100%.  I started college at age 50 and am about to finish my master's degree.  But like you say it's not the same.  For one thing I don't have a full life ahead of me to build a career based on my college degrees.  I'd like to do a Ph.D. but at age 55 I wonder if it's worth it.

This certainly hits home, the thing that bothers me, when I talk about my past hopes and dreams with my die hard witness mom she says " well, why don't you pursue that dream now".................................................I WANT TO SCREAM  She just don't get it, my dream was squashed like a bug, we don't need schooling we have the truth, the new system is going to be here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,help.   You can't back peddle..............I have pursued a few things, taken  some course but it is to late to go for my real heart desire.  I blame the cult and my crazy mothers die hard way..........................ps...I did better with my own kids..............

Chris, I think its worth it to get your Ph.D.  After all, especially if the atheists are right, all we have at the end of the line is the sum of our memories and accomplishments, build as many as you can in my opionion.

Tetra,

I hear you.  Man do I hear you.  I remember sitting on the side of a hill that overlooked the athletic field by my house, watching the kids, all the kids I went to school and grew up with having practice for pop warner football bawling my eyes out because I couldn't join them.  And you know what the real kick in the butt was?  It was a meeting night so I couldn't even stay and watch the game that followed the practice.

The caulksuckers, I hate em.

BD

 

 

Excellent post Darth.   I have done what I can to move on and not be a whiner and I have had a good life and filled in as much as I can. But try as I might I can't ever truly fill that hole that was my childhood, its like an old wound, healed yes, but there is a scar there. My life isn't screwed because of that, but the fact that it happened still sucks.

I hear you BIg Dog.  Even though you move on it feels like an old injury that still aches when the thunderstorm approaches.