I recently got an e-mail from my brother.There were pictures of his kids and wife, visiting my ageing parents.It was bitter-sweet.My wife was excited to see recent pictures.She thought it was a good chance to try visit.But I feel strange.It’s been ten years since the family kicked me out of the house for doubting the Watchtower Society.In that time I turned my wrecked life into a success story.But I have an “empty place”, to quote Stuart Little.I had a dream of getting the family together again and being normal. I think of it almost daily. But I am losing hope. It has consumed me at times.As a direct result, I feel I am gradually losing power in my daily life, finding it hard to make decisions, or get involved.I may be able to see them all again.But I don’t know if I can handle any possible bubbling under the surface of what I perceive to be the real issue in our family – the Watchtower.Despite the polite e-mail, I wonder about their “paradise hope” beingbased on “rivers of blood” of non-Witnesses.I don’t know if I could handle any insinuation or backhanded comments from anyone in the family, as we kids were trained to do to non-Witnesses.