You should have someone prank call them pretending to be the police. The police need to know your whereabouts because you are highly suspected of being the ringleader of a Mexican mug heisting cartel. You are considered armed and dangerous and anyone with any information should contact the cops immediately. Make sure the prankster includes the story about how you rolled an old woman in her apartment, stole all of her mugs and even some ceramic cat figurines she made while she was in a convalescent hospital.
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