Well... they don't really talk to me... this is the first time I have seen them in two years... since the last funeral!

They were only in the same room as me to see her...

Aude -  hey! yeah, life got a little crazy!  Broke up with my ex finally! Had the guts to move out on my own... met a wonderful man who fufills and surpasses all my expectations! We got married in Aug 07 and had our first little girl, feb 07-08. :-)

Carla, thanks for the advice... I told my husband I wasn't too comfortable with them being alone with her... I don't know what they will tell her... I mean it must be confusing for a little kid to try and understand why mom doesn't talk to her mom?!!!   At least she will have my husband's parents! 

That is what bugs me... I mean they will sit in a room with me and make small talk but only to see her... aside from the religious differences my parents and I have unresolved issues to deal with that I have tried to approach them with and everytime they just ignore me! how can I let them back into my life when they are unwilling to deal with the past? 

At the same time, I won't want to be the reason my child has no relationship with her grandparents... it is a real predicament!

Let's look at this from another perspective.  As a parent, you have a duty to protect your daughter from harmful influences.  You wouldn't leave her unsupervised near a burning candle, would you?  You wouldn't bring her into a toxic environment where she would be exposed to profanity or drug use or violence or sexually explicit behaviour, right?  It is your job to protect her from people who are so blatantly disrespectful of you - if you allow the kind of disrespect your parents display toward you in your daughter's presence, those circumstances are teaching her that it is ok to be disrespectful of you.  Is that what you really want? 

Bottom Line:   You will not be the reason why your child has no relationship with her grandparents.  The grandparents' toxic behaviour toward you will be the reason why your child cannot be exposed to her grandparents.

My parents only wanted to see their oldest grandchildren (my nephew and niece) in order to leave them literature and try to talk to them about "the truth".

That isn't normal, and my sister & her husband stopped those visits a few years ago. Now they only get to see their grandchildren at funerals. It's strange for kids not to have grandparents, but they are growing up quite nicely without having people who share their DNA believe the main reason for a relationship is to "save" them.

I have a 3 week old baby, so face the same dilema. My mother flew up to visit him last week.

I have decided that even though it is annoying that my mother holds back from visiting me, but wants access to the baby, it is going to be the most effective way for me to build up a relationship with my mother, and maybe even chip away at her cult ideologies.

What I am making clear is that I will only be allowing access if her religious ideas are not spoken about in front of my child. Luckily my wife is not disfellowshipped so is able to deliver such messages better than I can who would end up in a bitter fight about it. Maybe you could write to your parents outlining that are very happy that they want to have a relationship with your daugther, but that you believe the Watchtower belief system to be damaging, and you will not tolerate them discussing their beliefs with her.

The other issue is that your daughter may pick up on the bad vibes with your parents. Let your parents know that shunning is unchristian and unhealthy for your child. If they are going to visit they must treat you as a normal family would.

The great thing with your situation now is that it is you that has control. Previously your parents thought they did. They could treat you like dirt and shun you. Now you have something they want. You are able to set the ground rules.

Regarding your daughter not having a proper relationship with her, as she gets older you will be able to blame the religion, so that she is not too hurt by the grand parents behaviour. Tell her that she is loved by her grandparents, but that they belong to a horrible religion that does not let them be very nice to people that do not go to their church. It will be a good foundation for you to educate her how some religions can be very harmful and what to look out for to avoid ever becoming involved is such organizations.

I have a 15 year old step daughter that my mother phones from time to time. I make sure to ask my daughter what was discussed each time in order to highlight the flaws of any damaging comments. I feel this is better that forcing total avoidance, as the best way to avoid cults is through education. My daughter is now able to identify false reasoning, and these days will come to me saying "can you believe she said this or that".

I'm with Scully. 

• If they wont talk to you - then having them talk to your children is going to be harmful to your own relationsihp with your children.
• Don't allow unsupervised visits.  No matter what ground rules they agree to - they WILL lie to you and indoctrinate your child.  They think they're "saving" him.  Besides - you're just a piece of crap, so why not lie to you for the sake of "spiritual warfare".