Hi larc:
Just noticed your post today. I haven't come to this part before but noticed your refence to this thread in your comments to emyrose about depression.
This post couldn't come at a better time for me. I'm no expert on this subject...just out here floundering around trying to get the right perspective on my feelings.
I went through the different stages of disbelief or denial once I started finding out more real truths about the WTS. It all seemed to fit though when I gave it lots of thought and was able to put my own experiences as pieces to the big jigsaw puzzle picture of the WTS. Coming here, I was able to read of so many more experiences like mine that I was at least be happy to know that my experiences weren't just something wrong with me, my lack of faith or love or some other label that I put on myself (along with others who labelled me too).
I definetly do bounce back and forth right now between depression and anger, but mostly get stuck in depression mode basically because of my family situation. I think I could get out of the depression mode and go to acceptance, if my family situation would get fixed.
I've stopped going to the meetings for about 2 years. My son was da'd a few years before that. My daughter is still very active and they both are married and away from home in other cities.
The problem: My daughter upholds the WTS policy on shunning my son but they both are in regular contact with me. She constantly asks me about him and what his feelings are about coming back and suggests what I could say or do to encourage him back. I can't stand to see her pain even though I know she is responsible for her own actions. She is convinced if she abides by the WTS, he will come around, just like all the experiences from the WTS
prove.
She suggests that if I went to the meetings that would encourage him to. I can't open up to her about my new beliefs because I fear she would get upset at thinking I'm turning apostate. I truthfully don't know if she would feel obligated to "get help from the elders" for me, and if she did, we all know where that would probably lead. I also have to think of the ripple effect that df'ing me or whatever would have on my aging mother that I need to help my sibling with.
I know I've received some fine encouragement from here to just fade away and probably could do that more easily if my daughter didn't seem to need me to try and influence my son back....which of course leads me around and around in circles because I feel like I should share my new knowledge with him. I know I probably seem like I'm cowardly sitting on the fence with this, but having experienced the consequences before of being df'd, I just don't know how I would cope. I need my association with my family, and I would feel like such a failure as a mother if I did something that caused my daughter any more pain.
I don't know if this is what you wanted from this thread. I just thought my situation might lend some light as to why some feel their depression. Mine is caused by an ongoing situation, not from dwelling on the past. Somedays it just makes me want to lock myself up in the house and not answer the phone or see anyone.
I wish I could find a way out of this. I don't enjoy being so down. I'm usually a fun-loving person, full of kidding and laughter with my friends. It's days that I have confrontations or guilt-trips laid on me, that I can't fight back to because of the threat of shunning, that cause this downward spiral.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be so long....I'm looking for some insight on how to get out of this 'going in circles'...I intend to print off your thoughts and those of introspection and stepenw20 to think on. I know you all have gone and/or are going through your own tough, heartbreaking family circumstances. Maybe you can add something to your post on one who is stuck in the middle and being pulled both ways. I can't see my way out, but sometimes "we can't see the forest for the trees" in order to find our own answers.
Had Enough..( and join hands with the multitudes of others like me)