J2L, you remind me very much of elder friends that are in your position as they seek to free themselves of this religion. Over and over they ask the same questions, "Is there not some good in it?" and "are they really evil or just misguided victims?".
As they struggle with these questions and the endless difficulties of trying to make Christianity fit, I think you and my friends really know the answers to your own questions and you know where you are heading.
As you try to come up with a brand of Christianity that you feel comfortable with, which is really a vague mix of JW teachings you liked and mainstream Christian beliefs don't find objectionable, you are really afraid of becoming godless. The more you think and reason objectively, you get closer to becoming an agnostic every day.
I have followed your posts with interest since the beginning and people who have served in the capacities you have do not leave easily. If you have not already found the answer to your "are they evil" question, it is likely you will before long.
If you have not already seen it, you will see close friends and family that you had close relationships with, turn against you. They will change very suddenly, and what once was love turns to hate and disgust. Elders will change from trying to "help" you, to trying to "get rid of you".
Gossip and slander, basically doing whatever they can to trash your name and all the good you did over the years, will be innitiated by elders and will spread like wildfire in the community that once was your friends.
It is when I see this machine working so well to destroy the character of those who might have even cared the most about it, those are the times I see the evil in it. And when the Society refuses to come clean on the blood issue and make it a conscience matter, and instead actively persecutes people (such as in calgary) who understand these uncertainties of doctrine, I think some have to be evil.
It is the belief that this is "God's Organization" that is at the root of all of these problems. Everyone is expendible to protect it, and nothing is
too evil in the end if it is considered for the greater good of the Organization.
Path