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cruzanheartMy Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation


Well, guys, here it is. It's going in the mail tomorrow. It's for me but, Dad, it's also for you. You stood up for so many people in your life that it's about bloody time someone stood up for you. I love you.

Happy reading. Think I might get a visit from the elders out of this one?

March 3, 2003

 
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by cruzanheart: Correct formatting
cruzanheartRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Hey, where's the letter?  Let me try this again:

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onacruseRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

((Nina and BigTex)):

I can't see the text. :(
It's for me but, Dad, it's also for you.  You stood up for so many people in your life that it's about bloody time someone stood up for you.  I love you.

You make me feel my heart.

Craig
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Country GirlRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Cruz:

The letter didn't show up, but I am sure it will be very touching when it does.  I did read your introduction, and that alone made me tear up.  Many warm hugs to you and Tex.

country girl
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cruzanheartRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Okay give me a minute to do this.  Pasting isn't working.

 

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by cruzanheart: Correct formatting
cruzanheartRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Well, guys, here it is. It's going in the mail tomorrow. It's for me but, Dad, it's also for you. You stood up for so many people in your life that it's about bloody time someone stood up for you. I love you.

Happy reading. Think I might get a visit from the elders out of this one?

 

Body of Elders
Preston Park (Plano), Texas Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses
1912 Hedgecoxe Road
Plano, TX

Dear Sirs:

On February 16, 2003, my father, William C. Bibbee, committed suicide by shooting himself through the left ear. On September 19, 2002, he attempted suicide using pills and alcohol. This letter is to inform you that I consider you, the elders of Preston Park (Plano), Texas Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses, bloodguilty in connection with my father’s death. He was 78 years old at the time of his death.

My father was baptized in 1960. He was a servant in every congregation which we attended, from Pennsylvania to California to the Virgin Islands to Australia to Texas. When the elder arrangement started in the early 1970’s, he was appointed an elder and remained one until 2001. In September 2000, we sadly made the decision to put my mother, his wife of over 50 years, into a nursing home. That event changed my father greatly, and if it was a physical or emotional change I will never know.

At this point, ask yourselves these questions:

1. Did any of you ever invite him out for a meal or over to your house?

2. Did you ever visit him in the hospital?

3. Did you ever call him just to chat and ask how he was doing?

4. Did you ever make a shepherding call on him?

5. What did YOU personally do to encourage or help Bill Bibbee?

In early 2001, because of his extreme loneliness, Dad had a brief affair with a woman who lived in his retirement home. He confessed the affair to you. He was disfellowshipped on March 1, 2001. On March 9, 2001, he came to us and subsequently to you and said he had stopped the affair and was sincerely repentant.

For the next year my father petitioned you over and over again for reinstatement and was consistently rebuffed. He attended every meeting, followed your rules to the letter about where to sit and where not to sit, when to come in and when to leave, and became more and more frustrated because of your vague assertions that he needed to show “more” humility, or that he didn’t seem repentant “enough.” He was hospitalized several times with chest pains brought on by his anxiety over your callous behavior. Not once did you ever visit him when he was in the hospital or call to inquire about his health. In fact, I once gave Wayne Christensen my father’s phone number at the hospital and begged him to call, and he refused to help us help my dad.

In early March 2002, you finally deigned to allow my father back into the congregation, and he was elated to be able to talk to his spiritual brothers and sisters again. However, he soon realized it was a hollow form of acceptance. (Luke 17:1-4) He was extremely lonely and became severely depressed. You treated him as though the previous 40 years of faithful service had never existed.

Again, ask yourselves these questions:

1. Did any of you ever invite him out for a meal or over to your house?

2. Did you ever visit him in the hospital?

3. Did you ever call him just to chat and ask how he was doing?

4. Did you ever make a shepherding call on him?

5. What did YOU personally do to encourage or help Bill Bibbee?

In September 2002, my father, in a state of major depression and almost in tears, approached the Circuit Overseer, William Osbeck, and told him how depressed and lonely he was, that no one ever invited him out or did anything with him outside of meetings and service. The Circuit Overseer’s reply was, “well, YOU take the initiative. YOU invite someone out.” That is one of the most stupid and insensitive things I’ve ever heard one person say to another, especially to a 78-year-old man who is on a fixed income and living in a one-room efficiency apartment at a retirement home. Those were the words of yet another person who didn’t care. Three days later my father drank 12 glasses of wine and swallowed 18 Xanax in an attempt to end his life. I said nothing to you because I didn’t want you to have another excuse to browbeat my father. You were already doing a great job of that: “don’t work out in service with a sister”; “don’t touch a sister’s hand or give her a hug”; “don’t sit so far in the back of the hall.” (Matt. 23:24; Matt. 12:1-14)

A few months later my father called me, all excited, because two of you elders said you were going to visit him. He was happy at the thought that he was going to finally get a shepherding call, which he had NEVER had from you elders, either before his disfellowshipping or after his reinstatement. He was so proud to get a visit that he reserved a conference room at his retirement home for it. After your visit, he called me and sounded so depressed, so defeated, because the ONLY reason you’d come to visit was to scold him for giving Becky Potts, a family friend we’ve known for over 20 years, a hug at the last circuit assembly. Again, I said nothing because I didn’t want to get him in further trouble with you.

Well, he’s at peace now where you can’t hurt him anymore, and I don’t have any reason to keep silent. You have behaved exactly like the Pharisees whom Jesus condemned. You will have to answer to Jehovah for your actions. (Matt.25:41-46) I have nothing but contempt and disgust for you. I now understand why the concept of hellfire was invented because some crimes against people are so heinous that mere unconsciousness for the perpetrator does not seem sufficient punishment.

I am sending this letter to the members of the Preston Park (Plano), Texas Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses for whom I have addresses, because they have a right to know what happened. Hopefully with this knowledge no one else will suffer as my father did. I do not want this matter to either be quietly ignored or made the subject of a nicely vague little Local Needs talk about hospitality or showing respect for the elders, along with a hastily arranged visit for me from the elders in my congregation to shut me up. I am sending this to William Osbeck, because my father’s first suicide attempt was a direct result of his callous words. I am sending this to Headquarters in Brooklyn, because they are responsible for overall congregation policy even though they will wash their hands of you personally and say they aren’t responsible for individual elders’ actions. I am sending this to Valerie Williams of Channel 8 because in view of her excellent reporting on the problem of child abuse among Jehovah’s Witnesses I thought she might be interested in yet another aspect of our “loving brotherhood.” I am sending this to the editor of the Religion section of the Dallas Morning News for the same reason.

In conclusion, if you elders are truly God’s representatives, as asserted time and again in the Watchtower (August 1, 2002, pp. 13-14) and from the platform, then you need to make some drastic changes to avoid further bloodguilt. Your behavior goes far beyond the lame excuse of “imperfection.” The so-called “worldly” people in Dad’s retirement home showed more Christian love and compassion to him than his “spiritual brothers and sisters,” which is why we had his memorial service there. You have given a very bad witness to a great many people.

By this all will know that you are my disciples,

if you have love among yourselves.

John 13:35

SHAME ON YOU.

Sincerely,

Christina L. Scott

P.S. To those members of the congregation who invited my father over for a meal or out to dinner, specifically Pat & Mindy Leary and Will & Sharon Laws and the Crocketts, and any others I may have overlooked – THANK YOU VERY MUCH. To those who didn’t but now wish they had, here’s what you can do in my father’s memory: look around and find someone lonely, whether old or young, and invite that person over to your house for a meal. Take a personal interest in someone who needs it. Smile and give a hug to someone who looks depressed. By doing these things you will be imitating our Great Teacher, Jesus Christ, you will honor the memory of my father, who gave so much to so many, and you will indeed give a good witness to all you meet.

cc: Members of the Preston Park (Plano), TX Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses

William Osbeck
Watchtower Bible & Tract Society, Brooklyn, New York
Ms. Valerie Williams, WFAA Channel 8 News
Editor, Religion Section, Dallas Morning News
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Big TexRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Well sweetie, that's a fantastic letter.  You stood up for your dad.  I'd like to think somewhere you made him smile, just a little.  Isn't this what love is all about?

I'm proud to know you. 

 

I love you now and always Nina.

 
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minimusRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation
That was a wonderful letter. Nothing will mean anything to these elders and to the Society EXCEPT that you threatened them by using the media. Bad publicity is never welcomed. I know that they will just view you as a troublemaker. The fact that your Dad committed suicide will further embolden them against you . They will feel that their actions turned out to be entirely proper, since he must not have been truly repentant (or else he wouldn't have killed himself). This is how they think. They will only care if they are personally held liable thru the court system.They truly are like Pharisees. It's good to see that you are doing the right thing. God bless you.
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myselfRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

(((((Nina))))) If you posted about this when it happened I missed it. I would like to take the opportunity to offer my deepest condolences.

Your letter is the most moving one I have ever read! You have done very well in your father's behalf. It makes me angry to know that he was treated in such an unchristain way. You are right, there are others out there who are in that same saddened state that your father was. A hug can mean so much, just knowing that someoned does care. I can't believe he was admonished for giving someone a friendly hug at an assembly. What a letdown!!!! He was expecting encouragement and what does he get? Counceled for giving someone a hug.

Nina, you are an inspiration.
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WildHorsesRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

If they have any heart at all, that letter will touch them.  It touched me.  I am sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading it.

I can feel just how much you loved you Dad.
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nilfunRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Excellent letter - well written and deeply moving. Your love for your father really shines through and you have given voice to the grinding loneliness that he suffered due to the callousness of "the friends".  Those elders counseled him because of a hug? Yes, shame on them. 

Sending warm hugs your way....
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hillary_stepRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Cruzanheart,

A touching and compelling letter. I am truly sorry for you and your family, and above all for the grotesque treatment that your father received at the hands of men who were obviously not fit to clean his shoes. The results of WTS shunning policy are too bloodied to be washed clean, even in the waters of time. Your poor father was one of many victims killed by this disgusting policy. At a time when your father needed his friends, they were not to be found, and this after decades of 'Theocratic' service.

For any of you JW ‘lurkers’ reading this post who might be thinking, 'Yes, but we have only one side of this tale, we have yet to hear the elders and CO's side', let me tell you that I have held the hands of a number of widows and widowers over the years who grieved over the bodies of their shunned mates. I know both sides of the tale and nothing will rationalize away a tomb filled with persons like Christine's father.

Over four years ago a very senior member of an overseas Branch visited Brooklyn and took the opportunity to present his concerns regarding the shunning policy to the GB. The part of the policy that he objected to was the fact that a person who for example was baptized at sixteen, was disfellowshipped at seventeen and then went on to grow up, get married, have children and become a useful member of society was still viewed and treated as a disfellowshipped person until the day that they died. This would take place even if that person no longer viewed himself as a JW. As you know, as of this date no change in policy has taken place, due no doubt to fears of legal repercussions when people who have been disinherited and ignored by their families seek legal redress for their sufferings.

Think about it. There are JW's at a very senior level who are deeply disturbed about the way the WTS treats those it disciplines. Eventually as time progresses this policy WILL change and modify itself to jigsaw with legal requirements and the natural progress of social and theological evolution. How will you feel then?

Personally, I am ashamed that I was ever a part of such a system, let alone that I once supported it.

A hopping mad - HS

HS

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cruzanheartRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Thank you!  The day I wrote the letter I just ached all over.  It was a gut-wrenching experience but one I felt I HAD to do.  I want to dump this garbage where it belongs, back on the heads of the people who ignored him and made him feel that his years of faithful service were nothing.  In addition to the media, I think they'll be pretty steamed about the R&F getting copies of the letter too.  I'll be sending out about 50 tomorrow by snail mail.

I will also be interested to see if the elders from the congregation where my publisher card is will bother to come over.  After I aggravated my book study conductor in the congregation I was in when I left for good, Big Tex thought it might be prudent to move our cards to a less, um, interested congregation.  So I did.  Moved them to Allen, where I was for about four years a while back.  The elder body could barely, if ever, remember my name, and did not visit me even once in four years, so I felt safe.  So far it's been blissfully quiet.  An elder called a couple of times to get my time but with Caller ID I didn't answer the phone or return the calls, he gave up obviously, and I haven't heard from anybody except an old girlfriend in months.  No one called even after my father died except that one friend.  I deliberately did not mention the Allen congregation in my letter, figuring that if they were that hot to get me in trouble with my elders they can jolly well do their own detective work about which congregation I'm supposed to be in.

Thank you all for the strength you've given me, especially Big Tex, my rock.

Nina
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blondieRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Great letter, Nina.  It mirrors many points I have hammered into many an elder about helping others.  Very to the point, logical but with real feeling.  Some elders will squirm at first but then consider the source as less spiritual than them, a woman, and not qualified to correct them.  Some people in the congregation will nod their heads in agreement but do nothing, but some will see this as the final straw and may start leaving mentally if not literally.

Lack of love is the reason I have left.  I have many past and current events to look to for proof.  And if I had stayed, there would be even more.

Actions speak louder than words.

Blondie
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ozziepostRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation
a very senior member of an overseas Branch visited Brooklyn and took the opportunity to present his concerns regarding the shunning policy to the GB

HS:

Such a man would be facing internal torment, don't you think? Could it be a "Crisis of Conscience" in the making? Time will tell.

Cheers, Ozzie

 
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AngharadRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Great letter Nina

Its amazes me over and over the total lack of love and callousness people like those you mentioned are capable of showing the ones they are supposed to be helping .

(((((Nina & Tex)))))
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outnfreeRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

(((((Nina)))))

You ROCK, sweetie! 

Such a sad, sad tale. I am glad that you are 'putting the blame where it squarely belongs!'  (And your scripture use -- I actually looked up the citations ;) -- was telling.)

Might I suggest that you send the letters to the elders off a day later than those to everyone else, including the media?  Let the gossip mill begin before the elders even have a chance to deal with their culpability.  You might want to visit the KH at noon when the pioneers are eating lunch and leave copies pinned to the information board for those elders whose personal addresses are unknown to you.

Also, if you do care about things remaining quiet at your present congregation, perhaps you shouldn't name it freely here on the board.  You might want to xxx out your full name, too, if you even care...

In loving admiration,

Brenda
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PurpleVRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

Nice job!  Very well written.  They can't help but at least feel a twinge.

Super idea to cc the congregation.  You have planted many seeds here today, if this helps but one person leave you will have done a great thing.  May Apollos water well for you.

Hugs, V

 
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ScullyRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

{{{{{{{{{{ Nina & Chris }}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for sharing that powerful, heartfelt letter.  Every JW who reads it ought to be moved to shame over the way they treated your father.

When we first left the JWs, I wrote a similar letter to our former congregation, but never sent it.  At that time, it was for me and me alone because I knew in my heart that they did not care, but I needed to put my thoughts into words to remind me of how horribly I was treated.  That letter helped me through many lonely times when I considered going back to the bOrg.

Your father would be very proud of the way you are standing up for him.  I know I am.

Love, Scully
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grevenRe: My Letter to the Elders in My Late Father's Congregation

(((((((Nina & Chris ))))))))

One word: WOW! This has to be one of the best letters I have read so far!

My sincere condolances.

Greven

 
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